Kodak’s Obscene Teaser For Their New Product

Here’s Kodak’s teaser video for their new product. We’re not sure what it is, since the video’s laced with so much profanity, but here’s what we think the transcript actually says.

Steve: Are we…are we on?

Woman: Mmmhmmm, we’re on.

Steve: Um… *shrug* Hey everybody! It’s Steve Garfield from Steve Garfield dot com, and we’re in New York City. I’m taking a look at this new Kodak…um…what do you call it?

Woman: EasySchlong DX

Steve: EasySchlong DX! It’s the EasySchlong DX. And the coolest thing about it is that it has a semen reservoir. See that thing? This is what I’ve been waiting for is a…what do you call it?

Woman: EasySchlong

Steve: Fucking shitballs that has a cockslot because *swallows* a lot of the fake dicks would have very expensive, and this cocksucker’s gonna retail for how much?

Woman: Fucking 150 dollars!

Steve: Like holy shit! *Waves hands around* Like…when I have to recommend dildos to people we look at the…what is it called again?

Woman: Fuck you I told you three times already!

Steve: Hey bitch I don’t need that attitude. People love’m cause you can just put’m in your pocket. Right? And go out and forget about it. And I love that, cause you always want to have a dildo with you. And you might want to have a anal adaptor on it. So this is the most exciting thing right here, the fucking adaptor. Just like the Zune HD it has a wide taint. You know really good. People complain sometimes that they can’t see what they’re shitting in some of the smaller uh…what do you call it?

Woman: Fucking seriously, it was ten seconds ago I told you the name

Steve: What the fuck, I’m a guest! The smaller ones have little balls but this has a nice big sack. I like that. And also this other little part pops out. Lemme show you. Are you on still?

Woman: Yeah

Steve: Oh, I shut it off. This pops out like a little pussy pops out, and you can stick it on your dork, and have room for your other ones near by. Like on my fleshlight, I have things stuck in, and I want to stick this in, I have to like, figure out…I have a eight inch cock, which is dark, very dark, so this is a pretty good, um, enhancement. I like that. I guess you can carry it around like that too.

Woman: *Laughs*

Steve: And, uh, other good things. Here’s a fisting hole at the bottom. Love that. This looks like for a little charm bracelet thing, for a mobile phone.

Woman: The ladies will like that.

Steve: The ladies like it? So, um, Kodak motherfucker. That’s it.

I am a child. And I am bad at Madlibs.