Firefighters Extinguish Blaze With TV Remote

Step1: Up Volume, + brightness
"This'll take a little time Ma'am, please take a few steps away"

Step2: Picture in Picture
"We've got it in a controlled area. Time to take this baby to the dance"

Step3: Sledgehammer the crap out of it
"OK Ma'am, it's out. Have a nice day"

kyot

@92BuickLeSabre: Have you ever had swiss cheese? Less really is an improvement.

@zeroprime: I just sang the whole number from memory... damn I love that show.

Bassem B.

@OMG! Ponies!:
I find your American Beer like making love in a Canoe.
Making love in a canoe???
...
Yeah, its f**king close to water!

JJJ

@OMG! Ponies!: Hey, don't put down your burgers. They are awesome.

@92BuickLeSabre: Yep. I spent the first two years of my life in a small two bedroom bungalow in Sierra Madre that my hippie parents bought after they got married. Then, my dad went to med school and we came east.

And next year, I'm heading back west. But regardless, I am Gen X yuppie scum.

AWESOME!

@OMG! Ponies!: You were born in Pasadena?

Fi-R-B-Gone.

hanswurst0815

@92BuickLeSabre: Listen, I'm proud to be an ironic East Coast liberal hipster. I was born in Pasadena and raised in suburbia. I was a latchkey immersed in cartoons, toys, pizza, and Spielberg movies.

I drink my cheap American beer and eat my cheap American burgers and revel in the glory of kitsch as only the God-Blessed U.S. of A. can create. I'm ironic, snarky, sarcastic, and my priorities are hopelessly out of order. I get my news from pundits who espouse my worldview and firmly believe that if it didn't take place somewhere between US-101 and I-95 then it didn't happen.

And for the record, my dream car is an American classic - the 1963 Lincoln Continental.

I am real America. I am proudly Generation X.

@OMG! Ponies!: I don't mean to get back to the point or anything but can you please post the number for this International Date Line? Weekend coming up and all you know.

Jake712

@misterwho are the world, misterwho are the children...: beats the alternative though...

Clumber

@Hello Mister Walrus: Around here our fire crews are paid the same whether they sit at the station or attend a call. How does it work where you are?

Jake712

@TheyCallMeStacey_GitEmSteveDave: Trifocals, sir. Trifocals. Look above the trifocal - blurry orange FIRE FIRE! look through the trifocals - more fire!

and no worries about this happening to all of us in the future.. it's not like we'll remember it to be ashamed of. Damn kids.... GET OFF MY HOLODECK you PERVERTS!

Clumber

@OMG! Ponies!: Good try. You think you can just throw out a handful of southern/semi-rural brands and all of a sudden be considered an American again?

You've made your bed with a Hudson Bay Company blanket, now you have to lie in it and get all itchy from the wool in that blanket.

Lmbooo!

@Hello Mister Walrus: No, she is not a British MP...

gymtonic

@92BuickLeSabre: No way. I'm more of a Waffle House and Iron Skillet kind of guy.

Canadian coffee sounds terrible. Not quality like the cup of joe you can get from a Pilot station.

@OMG! Ponies!: Traitor.

Here, I've made you a map to the closest Tim Hortons. Enjoy your traitor coffee and your traitor Timbits, eh.

[tinyurl.com]

Today I called the fire department because I thought my TV was on fire. Turns out I was watching the Fireplace channel. FML

@92BuickLeSabre: Can't we just agree that they're all a bunch of POMEs lacking the sophistication, panache, and nuance that have come to embody America in the 21st Centur....

I'm sorry. I can't say that with a straight face.

@OMG! Ponies!: All true.

But none of which disproves the reality that Canadians are even stupider than Australians.

@Dr. Evil Genius:

References!

Driving School Instructor: Here's a fellow. They're peeling him off the sidewalk.

Homer: He he he. It's funny because I don't know that guy. [driver ed class after a DWI arrest].

@92BuickLeSabre: She was batty while she was still living below the 49th Parallel. Hell, she was too crazy even by Montana standards.

And can someone tell that bag of crazy that there's no such thing as "The Lower 48". As every paper Stuckey's menu conclusively proves, there's the United States and then there are Hawaii and Alaska, the Freak States who need to be isolated from the rest of the map in their own little boxes because they're full of froot loops and lepers.

I've always hoped that one day I could be a miserable old wretch who made everyone hate their lives, but I never even considered wasting taxpayers' money as well!

Touché Frau Firestarter, touché...

@KesMonkey: I don't think they're joking.

@Hello Mister Walrus:

I laughed.

steve.

@Hello Mister Walrus: Hey... Better them than some poor cable support phone tech trying to teach grandma (for the 20th time over the phone) how to use her fancy HDTV that Junior bought for her... Maybe if Junior has to shell out a couple of grand to pay for technology grandma won't ever learn, he'll get his butt to the pawn shop and get a TV close as possible to the last technology she actually understood - even if it means she has to drive the scooter over to the front of the TV to change channels.

grok666

@OMG! Ponies!: Caribou, no. (Obviously.)

But seal? Or bear? Or yes, even moose (like texting while driving, just because it's common doesn't make it right)? It just depends on the family.

No problem with curling, which is no surprise because it's actually Scottish, not Canadian. And the Scots kick ass.

Finally, I think we can all agree that Sarah Palin is perfect evidence of what happens if you take an American and isolate them in the wilderness between the Canadians and the Russians (don't get me started on the Russians.) I mean, even the heartiest of Americans would crumble in such surroundings.

@OMG! Ponies!: Nothing about Canadian Bacon? Either the movie or product?

@92BuickLeSabre: In Canada, getting a blow job from a caribou is not considered cheating on your sister. Further, given the choice between ice fishing in sub-zero temperatures and getting fucked by a moose, I'll take the moose.

However, do not mock curling. It combines the nail-biting excitement of shuffleboard with the emotional intensity of sweeping the floor.

Also, keep in mind that the Canadians can brag that Sarah Palin is an American. A bat-shit crazy American.

@sir_pantsalot: Maybe she's not alone on the trip if everyone is thinking that... Of course, if they're younger, maybe there's a more genetic issue at work. (i.e., They're all stupid?)

grok666

@OMG! Ponies!: Mel Gibson was born in Peekskill, NY.

And while Steve Irwin was surely dumb, he did figure out how to get other people to pay him a shit-ton of money to roll around on the ground with wildlife.

Canadians pay the wildlife C$150 / hour ($0.32 / day) on a Saturday night for the same privilege and then have to spend all day Sunday explaining where they were to their sister.

My grandfather had one of the early cars with voice prompts, things like "Your door is ajar." I was visiting him and he starts complaining about his mechanic, and how they always break as much as they fix. He asks me, because I work with computers (?!), if I can fix the damn voice prompts the mechanic broke on. But they aren't sounding so .... then a have a eureka moment and tel him, sure. You see he hated "wasting" his hearing aid battery (i.e. rarely turned the thing on), and that gave me an idea. We pull over and he gets out. I head over to the driver side, mess about, and inform him it's fixed. He gets back in and - damn smart kid - knew you would be able to fix it!!!

The mechanic had been listening to the car radio and left it on. Turned off the radio and "voices" gone.

must have been some high quality tv hd picture then :)

or a really crazy old lady.

@rxe7en: The only thing better than watching "Big Trouble In Little China" on PIX is watching "Overboard" on PIX.

@zeroprime: best show ever

pellier

@uncdomination: funny until you realize this fate awaits us all.

deliciousburglar

@OMG! Ponies!: PIX! PIX! PIX! PIX! PIX! PIX!

rxe7en

@zeroprime:

It's so easy to remember too!

SynMonger

@92BuickLeSabre: Steve Irwin.

Sure, Canadians can't tell the difference between ham and bacon, but you don't read about Canucks getting shivved by marine life.

And then there's Mel Gibson, who last week was seen shaking his fist at a picture of the Pope, screaming "Fuck you, Benny! I've got more Catholicism in my left nut than you've got in your bloody miter! Speak Latin!"

@Dr. Evil Genius:

SynMonger

@TheyCallMeStacey_GitEmSteveDave: It's a quality counter-example of how dumb the people in Alberta must be.

Wow, that is just sad.

JessicaAlba

@92BuickLeSabre: What about Brantford?

She must have a HUGE high-def TV to think it was real. I want it!

The mother-in-law is starting to head down this road. Everyone in the family refuses to see it and insists that she is one of the smartest people with the best memory.

sir_pantsalot

@mooses: Ahh the Swiss. The people who improve their cheese by serving less of it per slice.

@OMG! Ponies!: That's impossible. Canadians are dumber than everyone except for the Belgians. And Mounties are in the bottom quartile of Canadians (a/k/a equivalent to the average resident of Alberta).

Don't get me wrong, sure Australians are dumb, real dumb, crazy stupid dumb even; but there are plenty of people who are dumber.

Also, the Kiwis.

@TheyCallMeStacey_GitEmSteveDave: That was the first thing I thought of, and that maybe her grandson gave her an HDTV and she couldn't handle it. I know those 120hz make everything look like a soap opera. Old people are funny.

@OMG! Ponies!: Who? If it isn't Crazy Eddie, it isn't an ad for a electronics store.

@OMG! Ponies!: I see what you did there mate!

@Curves: I'm making sure that all members of my family are informed of my plan, so even if my dementia-addled mind forgets, I'll still make the trip.

Segador

Laugh all you want, but we'll all be her some day...

cpthook

@zeroprime: ahh, the thrill of international dialing.

Getting old sucks!

@Scotland: Oh, thank you for that link. That is the funniest news story I've seen for some time.

jetRink

@Segador: By then you will have forgotten what the Grand Canyon is, ask what time they start serving the Early Bird Special and want to go to bed by 7:30 so you can be up at 4 a.m. and .....what was I talking about again? GET OFF MY LAWN YOU ROTTEN KIDS.

@HoseHead: What solution would you recommend?

@Segador: Unfortunately, by that time, the only accidents you'll be experiencing will involve bowel movements and Depends.

@TheyCallMeStacey_GitEmSteveDave: The commercial for PC Richards was my first clue.

Remember, if Boomer Esiaison and/or Joe Namath show up in your fireplace, chances are that the roaring fire is just the Yule Log.

0118-999-881-999-119-725... 3

zeroprime

@Christian Mørch Frederiksen: No, it does not appear he was attempting humor here since it wasn't funny in the least.

Today, I called the fire department because I thought my TV was on fire. They changed the channel. FML

MikeSWelch

@pantsonfireliarliar: I could see this happening in Australia. After all, all their seasons are backwards so they celebrate Christmas on June 25. Plus, they're dumber than a Canadian Mountie.

@Hello Mister Walrus:
[www.telegraph.co.uk]

Scotland

I just wonder if the fact that there were logs and a grate in the TV should have tipped her off.

the fact that the fire dept. even thought of this solution makes me think that this wassn't the first time it has happened.

In other news, Belarus scrambled a squadron of MIGs after an 82 year-old man reported watching "Big Trouble In Little China".

@OMG! Ponies!: International TV licensing rights at work.

@glamajamma: Ahahahahahaha. Classic.

KesMonkey

@mooses: I doesn't seem to me to be a matter of nationality, but rather a matter of age. I hope this lady does not live alone.

Maybe you could drop by and check on her evry once in a while.

CoolRiver45

I think the real story is that GitEmSteveDave watches the WPIX Yule Log year-round and even has a Twitterfeed of it.

I can just see the headlines next, "Elderly man has sex with Playboy channel!" Oh wait,... that already happens...

Noobs-R-Us

If they kept her locked up and drugged, like she should be, this never would have happened.

glamajamma

That's it Grandma! You're off to the home!

When I get to this point of confusion in my life, I'm taking a special trip to the grand canyon with my family, where there will be an accident involving my motorized Rascalâ„¢ wheelchair and a stuck throttle. I'm hoping I can time it so I'm in front of a busload of Japanese tourists when it happens.

Segador

I forwarded this onto thefirestore.com ; hopefully they'll stock remotes soon so I can carry one in my turnout gear.

@Hello Mister Walrus: You are joking right?

Christian Mørch Frederiksen

yep, I'm proud to be Swiss 8-)

So Zurich gets the WPIX Yule Log Broadcast six months after New York?!

I don't think that's how the International Date Line works.

That's great!

I bet she'd be entertained hours on end by the snow falling on her screen if you disconnected her antenna/cable. Though she might be tempted to bundle up a bit too much and overheat.

bustedchain

@whatachiouche: I agree. I literally laughed a bit.. a snicker of sorts.

It's funny because she wasted taxpayer resources.

Hello Mister Walrus

This is funny, very funny.

uncdomination

wonder if they have smell-o-vision over there? that would sense... YEA FREAKIN RIGHT!! priceless...

chazified

That is awesome!

Bruhaha

wow. made my day.