All-In-One Card Stamp Wishes You Get Well Happy Christmas Thanks Easter

Fact: 99% of holidays were invented by Hallmark back in 1623, and since then, yearly life has been punctuated by needless festive ceremony. Well here’s the stamp They Don’t Want You To Know About.
The “All-In-One Card Stamp” is, sadly, just a concept by Ji Lee. But hopefully there’s a good Samaritan out there who’s willing to poach this design for the good of humanity, preferably incorporating a forlorn Maxine into the design. [Please Enjoy via The Daily What]
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Some suggested additions, to make the stamp even more useful:
“Congrats, it’s a girl/boy/squid” (tick the category, then cross out the wrong beings.
“Sorry you have been sick for days/weeks/months/years/decades” (same usage method as above.)
“Sorry you were fired/mugged/caught with your pants down on youtube”
“Please return my scissors/TV/lawnmower/cat/children.”