France Gets New Intercontinental Ballistic Missile, World Exclaims ‘Merde!’

What you see here is the new M51 nuclear ballistic missile literally getting out of the swimming pool. For some reason, the French military–like everyone else, really–thinks that it is a good idea to spend five billion dollars developing new and more effective methods to destroy the planet as the world itself keeps going to hell on its own. Because what humanity needs right now is a Mer-Sol-Balistique-Stratégique missile, oh le missile, loaded with six independently targetable TN 75 thermonuclear warheads with “penetration aids” (yes, they are French. Pervs).

The three-stage solid propellant engine of the M51 is derived from the Ariane 5 rocket, weighs 57 tons and has a range of 8,000km, guided by inertial and star position systems. It would be delivered in 2010 to their Triomphant class submarines and, hopefully, they will get rusty in there. Or maybe not.