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LHC Scientist Confuses Star Wars with Star Trek, Universe Doomed
Posted by Jesus Diaz at 10:00 PM on September 12, 2008
NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT. (Agencies) The scientific world is shocked today as Michael Zeller--a professor of physics at Yale who has been working at the Large Hadron Collider--reportedly misquoted the Star Trek tagline "Where no man has gone before" and, further shattering the Universe time-space fabric, attributed it to Star Wars:
"What did they say in 'Star Wars'? We're going where no man has ever been? Well, that's where we're going," Zeller said in declarations to the Yale Daily News about the LHC first beam test last Wednesday. Professor Zeller helped create the zero degree calorimeter used in Atlas, one of the main experiments at CERN's multi-billion dollar Large Hadron Collider.
"No that's not where you are going, old man!" replied in a telephone interview with the Wichita Early Star a visibly angered William Shatner, "You are going to the cuckoo house, that's where you are going! Where no man has ever been? Are you out of your mind? Have you had way too much Alvanian brandy yesterday? Did you forget your red pill? I can't believe you are one of the guys in charge of that damn doomsday ring."
Famed Captain Kirk impersonator and Gizmodo feature editor Wilson Rothman agreed: "Fo sho. Seriously dude, what was he thinking? Shat is right. Zeller probably needs to change the brandy for some Coors Light." Carl Zweissweger--an engineer at Lockheed Martin who worked on the failed Mars Climate Orbiter--said that he now had serious doubts about the LHC experiment. "Look," he declared "we may have got the Imperial units vs Metric units thing wrong, but at least we damn know that an Imperial Star Destroyer can kick the crap out of any stupid Federation spaceship."
Indeed, many other experts are asking themselves how one of the contributors to the experiment that allegedly may find God's particle can make such an error, introducing doubts about its validity and new safety concerns. "OK, let me say this again," said Agent 1229, the anonymous physics aficionado who has been harassing Giz and scientists all over the world about the LHC attempts to destroy Earth. "You fuckers didn't believe me before, you thought I was a fucking nutcase... actually I was starting to believe it myself, but now... now guess fucking what? I am right! How the fuck can we trust a nerdy scientist when he misquotes Star Trek and confuses it with Star Wars? You are all crazy! You!" he shouted. We couldn't finish the interview with Agent 1229 because various policemen carried his cage back to the armoured truck as he muttered "we are fucking fucked, man... we are so fucking fucked."
CERN didn't return our calls, but speaking on condition of anonymity, Professor Mjölnevik--a physicist working at the Alice experiment--declared: "What? For shame. OK. I'm going back to bed." [Yale Daily News]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
There are currently no AU comments for this post.
helldiver
Posted 10:37 PM 12/9/08
I need to write a ten page article flaming him on wookiepedia!
helldiver
Posavoie
Posted 10:31 PM 12/9/08
Do you seriously give a damn about him confusing the two?
Posavoie
scarbrtj
Posted 10:25 PM 12/9/08
Strange quarks, indeed.
scarbrtj
kevinsays
Posted 10:20 PM 12/9/08
@jeusu diaz i had my tongue fully pressed into my cheek with that comment
kevinsays
strider_mt2k
Posted 10:17 PM 12/9/08
See?
The problem is that he went full retard.
Stupid? Yes.
Confused? Yes.
Reatrded? NO
strider_mt2k
Jesus Diaz
Posted 10:17 PM 12/9/08
@kevinsays: I disagree. Scientist usually grow up on science fiction and they know about pop culture. This guy may be too old for ST or SW, but I'm sure he got into science because of comic books or pulp sci-fi or even Jules Verne or Wells.
There's an undeniable link between human's imagination, taken to the maximum (because there are no consequences) in sci-fi, and science itself. People have to dream things in order to work to achieve them.
That happens because people ask themselves questions. Like: "what about a machine that will let me go back in time and see the past?" And then someone would think: "Is that even possible? Travelling in time?" And before technology, it was other things (like MAGIC!)
The article is not supposed to be mean to this guy. For sure, not everyone is required to know about sci-fi. I just found it very funny when I read his quote at the Yale Daily News.
Jesus Diaz
JesseX
Posted 10:16 PM 12/9/08
How could William Shatner be visibly angry in a telephone interview? Did the LHC reorder the universe again?
JesseX
stokessd
Posted 10:15 PM 12/9/08
Don't sweat it, there are a ton of productive and useful scientists that find science fiction to be tripe.
Come on, Star Wars was a dialog nightmare. Lucas should NEVER write dialog. Much of the Star Trek line was pretty awful too. It's refreshing to see smart scientists that aren't sci-fi basement dwellers.
Sheldon
stokessd
windowi
Posted 10:14 PM 12/9/08
I'm glad their forte isn't in movie...
windowi
zayden
Posted 10:13 PM 12/9/08
He is in a different tier of geek than sci-fi fans. Its amusing, but not that bad.
zayden
kevinsays
Posted 10:10 PM 12/9/08
these people have no idea about pop culture, their on a whole higher plane of geekyness compared to our own feeble comprehension of the universe.
kevinsays
CaptainSquishy
Posted 10:09 PM 12/9/08
@feckineejit: In order to be science there must be science fiction first. Specially in this kind of project!
CaptainSquishy
bishara
Posted 10:08 PM 12/9/08
it gets sillier when common folks are commenting about their achievements,
like a church dwellers negating evolution.
the six billion dollar experiment by BBC horizon is a must see
[video.google.com]
bishara
feckineejit
Posted 10:05 PM 12/9/08
Better that he be an expert in real science than science fiction, really. Come on people!
feckineejit
Maxwells_Nylon_Hammer
Posted 10:42 PM 12/9/08
This guy looks about the same age as my father and I don't trust my father with my car.
Whoever gave this guy the key to the LHC needs to know that they may single handedly be responsible for the evaporation of Switzerland.
Maxwells_Nylon_Hammer
Who let the Trolls out?
Posted 11:27 PM 12/9/08
@Jesus Diaz: i agree.
also i have to say it's one of the funniest article i read on giz. thx JD
Who let the Trolls out?
TableZero
Posted 11:22 PM 12/9/08
Holy shit. That's the funniest thing I read all morning.
TableZero
Papsky
Posted 11:15 PM 12/9/08
@strider_mt2k: you never go full retard... lol
Papsky
aussie
Posted 11:13 PM 12/9/08
If he discovers the Higgs Boson particle then he'll regain our respect. But until then, shame, shame, shame...
aussie
LastGunslinger
Posted 11:11 PM 12/9/08
The problem isn't that he doesn't know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. The problem is that he tried to quote something he obviously didn't know about. It's like grandpa trying to fit in with teenagers. The guy should stick to what he knows to avoid looking foolish. This is much like how the people who think the LHC is going to destroy the world should stick to talking about living in their mothers' basements, crafting foil helmets, and hentai tentacle porn.
LastGunslinger
Lev_Astov
Posted 11:55 PM 12/9/08
@feckineejit:
Amen to that. Leave him alone.
Lev_Astov
thegermandude517
Posted 11:38 PM 12/9/08
well, that proves one thing:
even the biggest nerds in the universe don't fulfill the stereotype of all nerds being SW or ST enthusiasts.
thegermandude517
Rain-man
Posted 12:19 AM 13/9/08
@Jesus Diaz: Do you think it's possible they misquoted him, and it was really the interviewer that made the mistake?
Anyway, you have to be living under a rock to not know this.
Rain-man
Kaiser-Machead on the Edge
Posted 12:14 AM 13/9/08
I'll bet he thinks Luke Skywalker battled Evil Knievel.
Kaiser-Machead on the Edge
Jrsy
Posted 12:13 AM 13/9/08
@Maxwells_Nylon_Hammer: And that's a bad thing? Ok, no more chocolate and cuckoo clocks..
Jrsy
Serolf Divad
Posted 12:12 AM 13/9/08
This man is an impostor, sir... he is not a real scientist. GRAB HIM!
Serolf Divad
Jrsy
Posted 12:10 AM 13/9/08
Ah, give the guy a break. Standing up in front of all those people, he was probably a little nerdvous..
Jrsy
chumleyex
Posted 12:09 AM 13/9/08
I have a bad feeling about this one.
chumleyex
MarlboroTestMonkey7
Posted 12:07 AM 13/9/08
All geekdom weeps in shame! Well, let's hope he knows where the OFF button is if they find a black hole instead of the God Particle.
MarlboroTestMonkey7
thrashanddestroy
Posted 12:35 AM 13/9/08
These people probably haven't watched more than 24 hours of TV, lifetime. Kudos to them.
thrashanddestroy
jackfrost132
Posted 12:34 AM 13/9/08
Damn, Black Hole, here we come.. But seriously the LHC is great, despite the remote possibility of impending doom.
jackfrost132
Tails438
Posted 1:09 AM 13/9/08
DUUUH, HE NOT NO TV, THAT FUNNEE!! HUH HUH, HE NOT NO SI-INS TV, THAT FUNNEE-R!!
Tails438
EVEs_Mako
Posted 1:01 AM 13/9/08
I officially request to change my entry in the caption contest.
EVEs_Mako
Tweak
Posted 12:53 AM 13/9/08
Funny?... Yes
Serious Problem?...No
Tweak
Log1c
Posted 12:52 AM 13/9/08
Actually you would be surprised at how many scientists and engineers have little interest in science fiction.
I also would have misquoted Star Trek as I never watched it at all, so meh.
Log1c
pardyhardy
Posted 1:17 AM 13/9/08
FAIL INDEED
pardyhardy
jakebathman
Posted 2:01 AM 13/9/08
HEY GIZ I really wanna know what font you use for all your wonderful photochopping and failing....
jakebathman
Killjoy
Posted 1:46 AM 13/9/08
"...speaking on condition of anonymity, Professor Mjölnevik... declared..."
I love it.
Killjoy
hypereric
Posted 1:40 AM 13/9/08
I think he was just trying to get verbally "down wit it" with you young'uns (and failed miserably). Still, an obligatory email is on it's way to him.
hypereric
ciscokidinsf
Posted 1:39 AM 13/9/08
Oh man, I wasn't worried about the Collider...until now. Jeebus Cripes, I just hope they can tell Babylon 5 apart from Battlestar Galactica or we will all be fracked for all eternity.
ciscokidinsf
Rabid Penguin
Posted 2:27 AM 13/9/08
@Killjoy: I was just thinking the same thing lol.
@strider_mt2k: He's like a boy who plays with his dick when he's nervous.
Rabid Penguin
Rabid Penguin
Posted 3:09 AM 13/9/08
@mr30gZune: I'll wait for his autobiography that I'll never read. I'm sure you're exaggerating on both accounts.
"What did they say in 'Star Wars'? We're going where no man has ever been? Well, that's where we're going,"
I think that's also the line he uses to try to pick up women.
Rabid Penguin
mr30gZune
Posted 3:02 AM 13/9/08
When everyone else was dressing up as ST characters and learning to speak "klingon". He was busy getting laid and working on REAL science.
Thumbs Up!
mr30gZune
DNABio
Posted 2:53 AM 13/9/08
Science wannabes like the scifi crap. Us real scientists use our PhD wall paper for chasing tail.
DNABio
livinzlife
Posted 3:43 AM 13/9/08
um...who cares?
livinzlife
mr30gZune
Posted 3:41 AM 13/9/08
@Rabid Penguin:
Ill wait for your response to my exaggerations after not reading his auto, in which i wont read.
mr30gZune
taylors_dad
Posted 4:09 AM 13/9/08
I've got a bad feeling about this, Mr. Tribbles....
taylors_dad
Rabid Penguin
Posted 4:56 AM 13/9/08
@mr30gZune: touche.
Rabid Penguin
Darkest Daze
Posted 4:43 AM 13/9/08
"I sense a disturbance in the force" - William Shattner, Star Trek Episode 12
Darkest Daze
Dr.Remulak
Posted 5:48 AM 13/9/08
well, I think he will be going somewhere he has never been when they crack open an interdimensional rift and the minions and demons come out to take him straight to HELL!
Dr.Remulak
trailingedge
Posted 7:05 AM 13/9/08
Captain's Log: What an incredible smell you've discovered!
trailingedge
StopTheLHC
Posted 7:01 AM 13/9/08
Not going to say it...
Okay, I told ya so!
StopTheLHC
Easyrider
Posted 6:52 AM 13/9/08
@bishara:
Why don't you stick to informing us all how Middle-Eastern men take dumps
[gizmodo.com]
and forego the ignorant bigotry of people who recognize that your elitist hogwash is an attempt to replace God with your infantile understanding of this universe.
Easyrider
Maxwells_Nylon_Hammer
Posted 7:56 AM 13/9/08
@Jrsy: I'm pretty sure cuckoo clocks are German but I was referring more to losing the LHC. Much more of a tragedy.
Maxwells_Nylon_Hammer
nuclearchinchila
Posted 11:13 AM 13/9/08
I'm SO mad right now I think I might might rip his arms out of his sockets like a Klingon...
nuclearchinchila
groonk
Posted 12:25 PM 13/9/08
the man's a real life scientist.
and you mark him as "fail"?
Gizmodo...really?!?
groonk
Fanning
Posted 1:54 PM 13/9/08
The issue is that he made an error quoting on a subject while feigning knowledge he didn't really have in a public forum.
Yes, it underminds our trust in his intellect, and his judgement under pressure, and credibility on matters he thinks he understands.
Lets hope he has 100 dilligent interns checking his math on the ring of doom. (actually,i beleve its totally cool, and perfectly safe)
Fanning
Jrsy
Posted 6:36 PM 15/9/08
@Maxwells_Nylon_Hammer: They were made in Switzerland as well.
[en.wikipedia.org]
Jrsy
RLMcCoy
Posted 5:28 AM 14/9/08
Everything that we know about science and physics today, we learned from science fiction. That's where all our "ideas" came from. They both go hand and hand. I'm not sure how to feel of this because of that, I want to give the guy a break, but I think Shat knows best; too much Alvanian brandy makes you go cuckoo
RLMcCoy