Large Hadron Collider: Why You Really Won’t Die Today

Yes. It looks like we are still alive. The first ignition of the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland, is now underway and nothing has happened yet. But there’s a simple reason for that, one that I realised two days ago and I didn’t have time to actually write about until today: we got it all wrong. Everyone got it wrong.

We knew for sure that today was not the actual End of the World Day. Nothing–nothing according to Stephen Hawking–is going to happen when the the Large Hadron Collider tries to actually make those pesky particles to collide. But the fact is that today, you, my dear hadronmongers, it is not the day the collision was supposed to happen.

Today it’s just the first beam test, not the actual first collision. That’s programmed to happen on October 21, 2008. So all those stupid morons writing to us and CERN scientists will probably keep rambling for two more months.

As for the normal people, you can think about it as another extension to your life. In other words: You have two more months to find Uma Thurman/Brad Pitt/Richard Simmons and 1) convince her/him/it that the world is going to end and 2) you are the best lay there is to have before that happens. [Large Hadron Collider in Gizmodo]