RSS Feeds
Science
Large Hadron Collider Has Black Hole Button
Posted by Jack Loftus at 6:20 AM on September 12, 2008
Though the Large Hadron Collider didn't kill us when those crazy CERN scientists closed their eyes, said a prayer, recited a few theorems and switched it on for the first time, the secret is that it could have killed us. When they built the collider, the scientists installed a black-hole creation button. (The button is real, but it doesn't actually do anything.)
No black holes, no tearing of space-time fabric, no instant worm hole to the Gamma Quadrant. "There is a wry sense of humour that pervades the [LHC] scientists," said Steve Nahn, one of the MIT researchers on duty at the LHC. In addition to the sign that warns users of a black hole creation, there's another equally predictable sign on the side of the balcony overlooking the detector that reads "Please do not feed the Physicists."
Can you imagine using a 22.5km ring to monitor particles that look like pucks to a hockey rink of an atom? And doing it while death threats from ignorant loonies the world over come pouring in? "There's a fair amount of stress at times trying to make the detector go, so defusing it with humour is one way to maintain sanity," Nahn said.
Note: We tried to get an actual image of the black hole button and the sign, but the LHC's no photography policy got in our way, hence the artist's rendering above.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
bEni
Posted September 13, 2008 2:53 PM
You must be an idiot, aren't you?!?!?! what hell does a black hole button means?!?! Read at least one book, or even just one paragraph about black holes then speak.
Deth
Posted September 21, 2008 10:46 AM
"... no instant worm hole to the Gamma Quadrant."
then how is captain janeway the rest of the voyager crew gonna get home?
Christian Sciberras
Posted October 12, 2008 7:48 AM
I'm very sorry to say that this is outright pathetic.
The button, if existing is just humour/irony between scientists.
It's darn bad jounalism that does the bad part of the story.
Chris.
Uncle Remus
Posted 7:15 AM 12/9/08
@thetickler: At least it was fair and balanced. Equally offensive to either one.
On a different note I read a differing story on the LHC where they said the black holes were so tiny that it would take them approx 4 years to grow to the size that would consume the earth. 4 years? Oh, no! Thats 2012 ! That syncs up with the Mayan calendar's end of the world!
Uncle Remus
Skeptical_Geezer
Posted 7:14 AM 12/9/08
@B1663R: I would THINK that the energy comparison would be to a particle traveling at near LIGHT speeds, not near the speed of sound (which is pretty low - just crack a bullwhip).
Skeptical_Geezer
KhaiJB
Posted 7:12 AM 12/9/08
right. it's running... Load the Cheddar Cheese!
KhaiJB
newname42
Posted 7:12 AM 12/9/08
I was hoping for a "In case of black hole, break glass" case with a crowbar inside.
newname42
kanon
Posted 7:12 AM 12/9/08
Yes, and it goes all the way to 15.
Beside it is the button that launches the escape pod.
kanon
I Think We're Property
Posted 7:06 AM 12/9/08
What I really want to know is: Does the LHC have a dial, and does it go to 11?
I Think We're Property
gamecrazychris
Posted 7:06 AM 12/9/08
Good to see that the people that could possibly kill us have a sence of humor.
gamecrazychris
thetickler
Posted 7:01 AM 12/9/08
@Uncle Remus: Ouch, I'm not sure you can say that. Do you have a best friend of the same nature?
thetickler
DarkHavoc99
Posted 7:00 AM 12/9/08
@v0ice:
Being from dallas. I absolutely agree.
DarkHavoc99
lldsandsll
Posted 6:59 AM 12/9/08
@Git Em SteveDave loves this guy-->: good find
lldsandsll
Uncle Remus
Posted 6:57 AM 12/9/08
@Kayonesoft: That was awesome. lol.
Uncle Remus
Git Em SteveDave loves this guy-->
Posted 6:53 AM 12/9/08
Don't push the button!
+ Watch video
Git Em SteveDave loves this guy-->
Uncle Remus
Posted 6:52 AM 12/9/08
@thetickler: With palin we get a white hole and everyone knows that black holes are the ones that will end the world. Wait... can I say that? ... hello... is this mic on?
Uncle Remus
abyzmal
Posted 6:51 AM 12/9/08
Image of the button: [void.printf.net]
Courtesy of [forums.somethingawful.com]
abyzmal
Kaiser-Machead on the Edge
Posted 6:50 AM 12/9/08
@WTF?! Ponies!: You depressed and intrigued me immensely at the same time.
*tips hat*
Kaiser-Machead on the Edge
MyPetFly
Posted 6:46 AM 12/9/08
Something's wrong with the image tag...
Eh, screw it.
MyPetFly
MyPetFly
Posted 6:45 AM 12/9/08
Here it is...
MyPetFly
damnElantra
Posted 6:40 AM 12/9/08
no photography?
how would you explain this?
[www.flickr.com]
damnElantra
WTF?! Ponies!
Posted 6:40 AM 12/9/08
@Charbax2: No thank you.
WTF?! Ponies!
B1663R
Posted 6:39 AM 12/9/08
I was watching Daily Planet yesterday. they said that when they fired up the LHC they only fired one proton at a speed of 27 km per hour into a piece of metal. so of course we're aren't gonna die yet.
when they fire two particles at each other at top speed, then shit's gonna hit the fan.
Popsci had an article and they said that one particle traveling near the speed of sound has enough energy to simulate a 400 ton train smashing into something at 90 miles per hour.
if that got outta control the LHC would be like totally wrecked or something.
B1663R
Charbax2
Posted 6:39 AM 12/9/08
I filmed a bunch of videos at the CERN LHC, which you can see at my site [techvideoblog.com]
Charbax2
WTF?! Ponies!
Posted 6:36 AM 12/9/08
I still maintain the belief that we were all killed and these comments are being posted by spambots which became sentient in the minutes following the destruction of humanity. These spambots have giant penises and enormous breasts and lots of hair and wonderful sex lives and tons of money. They only wanted to share their bounty with us. And we rejected them.
Now, without humans, the spambots are left to post comments on a dead blog.
WTF?! Ponies!
Kaiser-Machead on the Edge
Posted 6:34 AM 12/9/08
@Macobyte: And in a stroke of irony, the amazing agnostic TV-B-Gone sets a microscopic chain reaction that grows exponentially. Thankfully, no one feels guilt, regret or anger, because time and space unraveled as the infrared beam crossed the distance between BLAM and the focal point of our demise. The End.
Kaiser-Machead on the Edge
Victor V.
Posted 6:33 AM 12/9/08
@njso18: Facepalm. Can't believe I read it... I'm not going to explain why this is ridiculous, though
Victor V.
Macobyte
Posted 6:31 AM 12/9/08
Someone from Giz needs to visit the LHC on October 21st when they start the real tests on this thing. And just in case, bring your TV-B-Gone, okay Blam?
Macobyte
lldsandsll
Posted 6:31 AM 12/9/08
@njso18: touche
lldsandsll
Kaiser-Machead on the Edge
Posted 6:31 AM 12/9/08
@Lightman: Mine's bordering on the last flickering, illuminated peg on a very large unoccupied Lite-Brite screen. All it takes is for one more crazy moron to pull out that last peg, and it's all over.
Kaiser-Machead on the Edge
thetickler
Posted 6:31 AM 12/9/08
I'm more worried about Palin then the end of the world, although technically, it's the same.
thetickler
Kayonesoft
Posted 6:29 AM 12/9/08
[www.cyriak.co.uk]
Kayonesoft
njso18
Posted 6:28 AM 12/9/08
I wasn't worried about this thing. because the day it was supposed to happen, i realized that it was already tomorrow in australia and they weren't dead yet :-)
njso18
thetickler
Posted 6:27 AM 12/9/08
Theres one of them buttons by my buttocks.
thetickler
cablio
Posted 6:26 AM 12/9/08
Yes, sense of humor is a good thing.
cablio
Lightman
Posted 6:26 AM 12/9/08
Death threats? Seriously? My faith in humankind dwindles every freaking day :\
Lightman
Xerloq
Posted 6:25 AM 12/9/08
What, no sneaky blurry-cam button spy shots? Since when does a "no-photography" policy stop the Giz? We need spy-shots, dagnabbit!
Xerloq
Geisrud
Posted 6:25 AM 12/9/08
They even have an "Easy" button for advanced physics? Nice.
Geisrud
v0ice
Posted 6:24 AM 12/9/08
If this was in Dallas, some of our city leaders would have demanded it be called a white hole.
v0ice
whiteknight
Posted 6:23 AM 12/9/08
It's good to know that the brains that control our fate have a good sense of humor.
whiteknight
e-friend
Posted 7:25 AM 12/9/08
Wen u educatad poosies r ded cuz ur using da hagrom colosor, i will laff"
-Sarah Palin, October 2008
e-friend
CCM333
Posted 7:22 AM 12/9/08
scientist one: hey guys, you know what would be funny?
scientist two: no, what?
scientist one: if we caused a black hole!!!
scientist two: hahahhaa... wait... are you serious?
scientist one: no... ... ...
scientist two: ...
scientist one: yeah...
scientist two: Lets do it!
the rest of the world: shit! *they forgot to turn the world telecom off, thats how we heard, if you were wondering...
CCM333
TBM-Fan
Posted 7:17 AM 12/9/08
I like those rings around Earth
awww can we created those
cause i want rings around Earth
TBM-Fan
bpapa9013
Posted 8:01 AM 12/9/08
Warm, wet, pink holes...
*Drool
bpapa9013
bpapa9013
Posted 8:00 AM 12/9/08
black holes... meh
Talk to me when they start making pink holes!
bpapa9013
MarlboroTestMonkey7
Posted 7:50 AM 12/9/08
Well, by observing the quantum event you are already affecting it, so, the button might be good for... something.
MarlboroTestMonkey7
hotmeatinjections
Posted 7:48 AM 12/9/08
Lets just hope Giz didn't bring their "Collider 'B' Gone"
hotmeatinjections
Jackson the Narcisisst
Posted 7:45 AM 12/9/08
@e-friend: Palin knows leet speak? She is even cooler than I originally thought.
Jackson the Narcisisst
Bokusatsu_Tenshi
Posted 8:26 AM 12/9/08
The paranoia on this is so strong...
Even my measly blog that doesn't even have a handful of commenters had a visit of someone extremely concerned about Earth's future after I made a post with some jokes and videos about the end of the world because of LHC...
Bokusatsu_Tenshi
Xavoc
Posted 8:14 AM 12/9/08
I'm sorry to break it guys, the world has already ended and earth is just another planet's hell.
Xavoc
Rory1
Posted 8:12 AM 12/9/08
Yes, lets wait until the 21st when they start smashing atoms...
[www.imgdump.info]
Rory1
Kymeira
Posted 8:10 AM 12/9/08
They weren't doing anything "dangerous" yet. They're saving the actual colliding for October 21st. Now that everyone seems to think we're in the clear, they can do the real tests :D
@B1663R: It's traveling at 97-98% the speed of light. Not sound.
Kymeira
krispykrink
Posted 8:50 AM 12/9/08
All of these posts would make sense if CERN was actually smashing particles, which they HAVEN'T done yet. All they did was turn it on and shot a test beam through it, sheesh!
Report back later in the year when they actually DO something. But, I predict that by then even the entire Giz team will be so worn out on the subject and completely blow it off.
krispykrink
fastm3driver
Posted 8:44 AM 12/9/08
@thetickler: Worried she could kick you ass?
fastm3driver
tarzan69
Posted 9:30 AM 12/9/08
@Kymeira: It's more like 99.999999% of the speed of light (that's an accurate figure) 97-98% would be totally unimpressive. The real testing starts next month.
and if there is a black hole it will probably moving faster that the earth's escape velocity (11.2km/s)
and it will probably radiate all it's energy away rapidly (after calculations by Steven Hawking on black holes)
and black holes would only be produced if certain predictions about superstring theory are right.
and if all of the above were satisfied, and it was captured by the earth, it would grow so slowly that it wouldn't cause any noticeable effect until long after the natural life of the solar system.
oh and cosmic rays with enough energy to make black holes crash through the atmosphere all the time, and they have never harmed us.
in other words everyone can probably relax.
tarzan69
VakeroRokero
Posted 10:09 AM 12/9/08
My mom had a dream about a giant hole appearing out of nowhere and people walking towards it. She didn't know anything about this experiment they are doing, and now I'm sure something will happen.
VakeroRokero
The_Last_Skunk
Posted 10:40 AM 12/9/08
BRING ON THE COMBINE!!
The_Last_Skunk
midwestkel
Posted 11:14 AM 12/9/08
Thats a pretty cheesy button. I would think they could have made something better than using a bottle cap and some Styrofoam.
midwestkel
jkr's bold comment
Posted 11:03 AM 12/9/08
@Xavoc: Great, so in October, we will destroy hell, hell fail, heaven liven.
jkr's bold comment
WTF?! Ponies!
Posted 11:48 AM 12/9/08
@midwestkel: Gee sorry. I guess building a giant atom smasher capable of discovering the origins of the universe and time itself isn't good enough.
WTF?! Ponies!
jkr's bold comment
Posted 12:07 PM 12/9/08
@WTF?! Ponies!: Yeah, what have they done lately?
jkr's bold comment
ceilingFANBOY
Posted 1:36 PM 12/9/08
Black hole sun...won't you come?
ceilingFANBOY
tvinstall
Posted 6:53 PM 12/9/08
The ironic part is and overlooked by all is that they haven't actually done anything apart from test the equipment the collision is not happening until after the LHC is officially unveiled, on 21st October, 2008.
See PashaLaw. Blogspot. Com
tvinstall
jeoda
Posted 8:20 PM 12/9/08
Maybe half of europe will be missing by christmas.
jeoda
Krrong
Posted 11:03 PM 12/9/08
*click*
*whooshing noise*
"That was easyyyyyy....."
*blip*
Krrong
auslander
Posted 11:06 PM 12/9/08
@newname42: That's only in the event of a resonance cascade, not black hole.
auslander
FrankenPC
Posted 1:54 AM 13/9/08
I hope Homer Simpson doesn't work at the LHC.
FrankenPC