Sexual Gadgets Can Now Be Seized at US Borders Too

First it was liquid bottles. Then laptops. And now they are seizing our penis extensors, penis pumpers, and other sexual gadgets. The FDA is saying that they represent a real risk and federal border agents have now a guideline to confiscate them at US territory entry points. The list would be hilarious if it weren’t so surreal and stupid:

• Mechanical stretching devices, which “employ weights or lines tied to other parts of the body such as the knee, to affect tension on the penis.

• Vacuum operating devices, “those employing a sealing principle in the area of the base of the penis and an evacuation mechanism to drop the atmospheric pressure around the penis, thereby affecting increased blood flow.”

• Constrictive rings, which “constrict the base of the penis after erection has been achieved and cause the erection to be maintained by blocking the normal circulation of blood from the penis.”

• Supportive devices, which “function as a splint or cradle in order to maintain a resemblance of turgidity.”

Actually, it is hilarious. It almost gave me a browner. These points are part of their new guideline revision for “external penile rigidity devices.” Seriously, what about those people with built-in inflatable devices? Can they travel? What’s next on the list? Chocolate penis hats? Robotech Thrusters? Pink blowjob machines? Rubber penis builders?

We demand answers! This safety law’s nonsense to achieve a false sense of security has to stop at once. [Star Telegram]