this will help increase prostitution abroad... or sales of sex toys abroad.

josecardozo

What do you expect from a nation founded by Puritans?

ianmac47

Well that's the land of the free for ya.

takashimiike 3G edition

"no sir, that's not a splint for mr. happy, my, uhm finger is out of joint. Yes that's it, my FINGER..."

too bad that the TSA and the police can only do what they're told instead of thinking for themselves...

jdw242b

who cares. tumblers better than pumpers. I SEE TUMBLERS.

likefry_likefry

I can't wait for the FDA approved versions! Until then I'm sitting right here.

mykalt45

Meanwhile boatloads of these dangerous devices pass through our ports UNHINDERED!

UNHINDERED I SAY!

strider_mt2k

They came for my bottled water and I did nothing.
They came for my laptop and I did nothing.
They came for my penis pump and I had had enough.
Frrrreeeeeeeeeeeddddddoooooooooooooooom!

Mayor McRib

I can see more problems for Onterrio Smith.
[sports.espn.go.com]

TerryinSt.Paul

This can't be arbitrary right? I mean, someone must have tried pumping up at the customs table going into LAX right? Some chinese dude pumping up the cock for all the starlets right? Had a problem and his dick fell off and then the government said, "Penis pumps bad!" Or perhaps this is a strong push by the XXX Toy lobby to restrict goods coming in from out of country, so when they get here they have to buy them.

And remember people - this is through Customs, at the borders. So all of you can still travel with your penis stretching devices in the U.S.

Hectorvex

Funny as these devices are legally imported and sold in sex shops in the US. Are they just trying to protect the livelihoods of sex shop owners and workers across America?

sxr7171

@yogibimbi: Oh, they are VERY serious about it. That's part of their new guidelines because the previous ones weren't specific enough.

Jesus Diaz

@GeekyNerdGuy:
Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, "a dildo," never your dildo.

scarbrtj

thanks for protecting us.

James

they can't be serious

yogibimbi

Oh thank goodness they are not taking the ladies toys. Glad to know the FDA knows our toys represent no threat to national security.

Curves

I'm guessing these aren't FDA-approved devices in the U.S. and they're trying to curtail penis pump super-hicky explosion disasters and whatnot.

Sure, there's circus freaks that make a living lifting weights with their peckers, but take your (under-)average joe who's desperate for growth, tie 30 pounds to his yangus, and that's a visit to the emergency room.

GeekyNerdGuy

What about dildo, it can be a dangerous weapon :

+ Watch video

TheMugs

A browner? I must learn these new words...

SigmundTheSeaMonster

9 out of 10 times, it's an electric razor. But every once in a while ... it's a dildo!

GeekyNerdGuy

Sounds sexist

lldsandsll

Um, you know, a wife or girlfriend can technically perform most if not all of those functions. Are they going to start confiscating them as well?

Kaiser-Machead's WALL-E fetish

Seriously...?

Is this what our grand experiment in self rule through a representational democracy has come to...? A government that believes it has identified a type of device that is just dangerous enough that single individuals are not allowed to cross our borders carrying them (presumably for personal use) but sex shop owners across that land can continue to sell them in mass to the general public.

Can anybody make that seem to make any type of sense for security? ...Public safety? ...how about economic prosperity?

So much for the pursuit of happiness.

bombs_away

I feel safer already.

Thanks, friendly government!

stretta

@GeekyNerdGuy: @scarbrtj: great, looks like i'm watching fight club tonite.

B1663R

It's not the gadgets themselves that pose a security risk. I believe what they're getting at is a supernaturally elongated and rigid ding dong could be used to gain access to otherwise secure and restricted areas.

frigg

awwww man!!! now i gotta leave my cock sling at home!! that is bullspit!

hey, what about cock rings? are they still legit?

B1663R

@jdw242b: There are many more problems when they try to think for themselves.

HFC

it's all about penis enlargement. probably the FDA wants to be in line with asian penis sizes.
as this might be a benefit for certain olympic sport games.
.... just tell me when i lost the point.

krom

Quartermaster Clerk: One Swedish made penis enlarger pump.
Austin Powers: That's not mine!
Quartermaster Clerk: One credit card receipt for Swedish made penis enlarger...signed by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I'm tellin you baby, that's not mine!
Quartermaster Clerk: One warranty card for Swedish made penis enlarger pump...filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby!
Quartermaster Clerk: One book...."Swedish Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: This Sort of Thing is my Bag, Baby!", by Austin Powers.

xmlguy

@urbanturban666: confenscate*** stupid me

urbanturban666

if they dont compensate em america will be blown up by a bomb that consists of cock rings and vibrator batteries.

urbanturban666

This makes sense seeing that everyone in Canada is a complete sexual deviant.

But my god.. even though its all physiological, the guidelines of the laws mentioned above sound UBER painful.. takes all the fun out of erection eh?

But no.. you cant have my chocolate penis hat.. that's unconstitutional

Mith

Wow, now the US is OFFICIALLY the laughing stock of the world.

axiomatic

Just imagine a plane being hijacked by a person wielding a dildo. I thought the reason a pilot normally complied was out of fear, not embarrassment.

Ah well, sounds like there are issues when you make security a full time job, like people inventing nonsense security issues just to keep busy.

twilight-arc

Um, for those crying foul here, it's the FDA not Homeland Security that is driving this and they are not banning these things in general only those that function in a way that pose a threat to the person using them.

I would bet that the ones being sold legally in shops within the country do not function as described in these guidelines.

Besides being a health hazard these things are blatant consumer rip offs. In my book this is the FDA doing it's job.

johnbdh

Have you ever been hit in the head with a dildo? That shit hurts way more than plastic sporks!

beardedkid

@xmlguy:

+ Watch video

Git Em SteveDave displays attention-grabbing vanity

everybody know that cock rings are the secret ingredient in WMDs.

urbanturban666

If I can't travel with my cock ring, then the terrorists have won.

superbad

If we are doing harm to ourselves who cares....why waste your time on this shit.....PEOPLE JUST WANT THEIR PENISES TO EXPLODE, GOD DAMN, can't you see that?

HellTempest

DAMN and now how am I going to travel without all my sexual devices

mpar

@GeekyNerdGuy: I'm flying today, and as i put my beard trimmer in my bag those words were echoing through my head...

lostarchitect

You know, technically oxygen is a dangerous gas. In high enough concentrations almost anything will burn, even diamonds. So I'm predicting in the next few years it won't be allowed on aircraft anymore.

Barry99705

USCIS or whatever crap monkey Bush chooses it to call has come up with this crap. Not only the rest of the world hates us but we are indeed the laughing stock of the world. For those who get out of Main St, USA know what I am talking about.

Seriously - our Border Patrol is truely clueless.

JJ910

"We demand answers! This safety law's nonsense to achieve a false sense of security has to stop at once."
They're way passed the "achieving a false sense of security" with this new shit. It's becoming blatant ideology-driven control, control, control. Some day or another they will forget to begin their new regulations with the phrase "For security reasons...", and nobody will notice.

Franssu

Maybe they're afraid of such devices being MacGyver'd together as some kind of portable, penis-enlarging cannon..

That or terrorists might use these devices to subdue the male members of the flight crew so they can capture the plane..

Jrsy

@Barry99705: Like the hysteria over Dihydrogen Monoxide. We're all gonna die!!

qbrad

@Jrsy: Is that a gay steward joke? If so, it's fabulous!

qbrad

Yet more evidence that the TSA is run by a bunch of jerk-offs.

infmom

I'm so glad my country protects me from myself. I'm currently waiting at home for my government-issued chauffeur to pick me up and take me to work, to protect me from the hazards of driving my own car.

Killjoy

I like the wording.

Operating mechanical stretching devices affecting tension and employing a sealing principle with evacuation mechanism to drop the atmospheric pressure and block the normal circulation of blood.

I wouldn't want to be in the same plane with anyone doing that, no matter how much resemblance of turgidity they think they need.

Bloodboiler

When are we going to wake from this Orwellian nightmare?

NagChampa

They so obviously "represent a real risk".

But I think we should not give in to the fear of penile enhancement devices.

If all men in this country have small penises, the terrorists win!!!

ideaman2020

Half the flight crew probably flies with their cock rings stored in overhead bags for weekend playtime.

shawn_dude

Are they afraid hijackers will seize the plane by sticking a cockring on the pilot? WTF.....

But vibrators are still OK? Couldn't you bludgeon someone to death with a John Holmes?

edmicman

@Killjoy: Actually, I wouldn't mind a government-issued chauffeur. Every time a car backfires, random guys in black suits dive out of nowhere to stop whatever bullet may be traveling, and I can walk down the darkest alleys knowing that any thug will suddenly say hello to a hypodermic needle filled with cyanide.

I welcome our brave new world. Join us, won't you?

Kaiser-Machead's WALL-E fetish

@bombs_away: Not in Alabama.... it is illegal to sell any adult toys in Alabama.

robinandtami

@robinandtami: Hooray for religious fundamentalism! Is there any logical (not dogmatic, LOGICAL) reason to ban sex toys? The answer, quite clearly, is no.

ManekiNeko

there is an article on zug.com of a guy who put a vibrator in his pants and went to the airport, when the security searched him, they saw the vibrator and let him go on anyway, with it still in his pants.

vinnyr

@vinnyr: They were probably too aroused to grab it out, they most likely just wanted to stare at that magnificent site.

HellTempest

@Curves:
Yes. Yes it would be.l

Out2gtcha

Damn!
There goes my trip to (and from) the "pocket pie" convention in Canada I've been looking forward to for so long.....

They have all the coolest (sex) toys in Canada.

c'est la vie!

Out2gtcha

I can see why they are still allowing vibes on the plane. I am pretty sure if a terrorist is holding everyone hostage and all the ladies pull out dildos, no one will be shot, at least for a few minutes. Its quite the distraction.

Curves

I know where they are trying to get... to the dark ages, of course.
Next step will be banning books, protestants, atheísts, people with black clothing, people with red hair.

Then they will have the right to seize money, clothing, valuables.. and finally rape women and kill men.

Nice we can all laugh about it, but seriously? I'll never go back to the US again as a tourist.

And don't take me wrong, I've been there 2 times, and loved both vacations... but it's in a distant past, years before 9/11. No senseless paranoia ruling the airports.

Bokusatsu_Tenshi

They can take my life, but they cannot take my vibrator!

SF_iris

@ManekiNeko: Apparently the Supreme Court of the United States found logic in it, as they chose to uphold the ban. That's what happens when you have fundamentalist presidents appointing fundamentalist judges.

Vibrators = BAAAAD.

Fully automatic assault weapons = AWESOME!

Women deprived of vibrators but supplied with fully automatic assault rifles?

Yeah..... life is scary here!

robinandtami

What about stuff like the Tug-Ahoy or TLC Tugger?! Restorarion devices. WTF?

cmantito

@Curves: And considering that dildo sizes vary some of them can even be used as clubs to subdue said terrorists.

Jrsy

@qbrad: I hadn't intended it as such but hey, whatever works..

Jrsy

@robinandtami

I have ESP, PMS and GUN. Don't even think about it. :D

gtpooh

WHY THE FUCK DO THEY WANT TO CONFISCATE COCK RINGS?!

Seriously, who the fuck thought this made any sense whatsoever? Anarchy would make more sense than these ignoramuses.

justhesh

Um, can we have some focus on your mission, TSA-guys? Please?

yipes

I'm surprised everyone failed to see the rationale behind this new prohibition. An artificially turgidified penis can be used as a natural (hence, easily mistaken as innocuous) cannon for firing genetically modified viruses of mass destruction flying at extremely high velocities when pointed towards densely-populated urban centers, such as New York City where Satan has long been known to keep a large 15-room apartment.

caleb123

What if you're wearing a "Constrictive ring" WHILE passing the border? Will they now check everybody?

piranha74

What if you're wearing cock ring WHILE passing the border? Will they now check everybody?

piranha74

The weird thing is that (all jokes aside) the whole "penis pump" thing started in the U.S and... most of the dratted things are MADE there. I may be missing something here, but I think that now (thanks to the government) US residents can now legally buy a product made in the US, take it outside the country and, when they bring it back with them, have it confiscated. Which is as weird a concept as a bag full of monkey rectums when you think about it. (And, no. I used to work in a sex shop.)

SohniCaesar