Great. Whoever dreamed this up is the asswipe.
A while back I recall, someone posted a comment that wiping your ass (competently with your hands, let alone a robot attempting the feat) with toilet paper is akin to smearing peanut butter across a shag rug...
@Kaveh: is correct, a no touch asswash is so much cleaner and healthier, like a bidet.

ANoel

Anyone who looks at that photo and thinks the paper is going to move front-to-back probably has hilarious daily mishaps of all sorts.

itchytooth

seen this on a poster years ago. can't remember the caption, but anyone else on here who has eaten a big mac out of a styrofoam container, or who saw star wars in the theater the first time, might remember seeing this pic.

RG_Shrike

Oh man! I started laughing my ass off when I saw that! Someone needs to photoshop that pic and show the example of what the rear roll would look like.

IndustrialJones

Why not create a pedal-powered fountain that sprays water up your bum... Much better solution.

... where's my bike?

Kaveh

@CubFan81: Hahah... He doesn't know how to use the three sea shells!

Kaveh

Why not just make it a belt of paper? Save the planet man.

tommo

Here's the link to the actual listing. [www.realestatewausau.com]

Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy

Jeez, I can just imagine, pedal fast enough, and you get a burn on the taint...

..Oh god, why did I just imagine that!

xAnarChisTx

@mdoublej: What about the guys? Women have a smooth curve. We've got the parts that dangle.

Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy

Um, how do you do your business without getting it on the paper and splitting it in half, thus rendering the contraption useless? With how it is set up, when you sit down the paper will be right in the drop zone.

OmniZero

Well, and giving you a big brown racing stripe on your back in the process. Ever ride a mountain bike through mud without a back fender? Same concept.

Elvisisdead

How do you drop the load with the paper in the way? Then, how do you get good crevice penetration without breaking the paper?

This is not good engineering.

GeekyNerdGuy

it looks like from the way it's set up, it would put the dirty dirty on the roll in front of you...really bad for the ladies.

mdoublej

Is this the beginning of our eventual progression towards the three sea shells?

CubFan81

Hoax? Joke? Photoshop contest?

bagumpity

Apparently you've never been to Mexico. They don't flush the paper. They just toss it in a little basket beside the toilet.

My biggest worry would be accidentally pedaling backwards!

GeekyNerdGuy

I'm envisioning paper cuts to your inner thighs.

tuckertuck

@Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy: Ask a woman you can ask this, what direction they are supposed to wipe, and why.

mdoublej

Here comes some corn !!

Slartibartfast

I saw a contraption like this in something like Mad Magazine 20+ years ago...

IphtashuFitz

It's the Mad Max Vellum-drome...

Stem_Sell

I have heard that Sumo wrestlers dont wipe themselves (they cant reach their own ass) so the junior members of the Dojo (sp) have that job.
Entry level jobs suck.

Curves

Another sanitary paper product:

+ Watch video

William

Mad magazine poster

seda

I think real-estate people sometimes insert pictures to see if anyone's paying attention - there was a recent item on photoshopdisasters, and there's a thread in the real-estate photography group on flickr.

I too call "fake".

notfred

The word 'heinous' comes to mind...

unspellable

Looks to be a picture of the device hanging on a wall/door and not the actual device itself. I'm calling fake.

Also, anyone not totally brain dead would realize the only way to utilize this contraption would be back to front.

bobojuice

@Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy: It just depends which way you start the roll.

GeekyNerdGuy

@ANoel: Don't.

Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy

@mdoublej: In looking at it again, you can only wipe towards the front. Which means the dirty side will be facing out when it rolls on the foot machine. Just invest in a bidet.

Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy

... I just scrutinized that photo... where is the big red P A N I C button?

ANoel

@Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy:

What about the guys? Women have a smooth curve. We've got the parts that dangle.

Smooth curve? What, are you fucking a Barbi Doll or something?

anfauglir

@mdoublej: Either way you wipe as a guy, you'll either wipe across the twins, or up your back.

Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy

I thought we were only supposed to use one square at a time to save the planet.

GiltProto

Since it looks like it would go from the back roll then wind onto the front roll, I'd call this "The Inspector" ;)

ddaq89

Oh man, these are some of the funniest comments I've ever seen!

ddaq89

Um, rear roll? The pedals are in the front. That means the front roll is the dirty one. I bet it makes for some smelly balls.

stradric

Guys all your questions will be answered with the Hands On... Adam, the people is waiting.

Joaquin

Holy crap, my dad used to have a "joke" about this thing that used to circulate on photo copies before the net. I don't think I have ever seen an actual color photo of it, though. Funny stuff.

maven2k

@Curves:

Oh Curves, I guess this imagery is revenge for all the awful images Giz and its commenters forced you to imagine.

LindsayJoy's MBP is into S+M

careful with that photo, it's an antique!

sansovino

How will it handle cheek separation?

misterwho

I only have one thing to say: Ew.

*makes wrinkly throw up face*

nintendude

If you look closely at the photo, you will see that it is a poster hanging on a closet door.

ringo00

Looks like the fast lane to a scrotal skid mark.

slush

WHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!

OH THE HUMANITY!!

smashingparadox

Where's the video of the device being put through its paces?

leadingZer0

Why didn't I think of this?

middy

@RG_Shrike: Yeah, I remember this as a cartoon panel years back. "Reverse pedal to recycle" or something like that was the caption or sign above the commode.

reamon

@LindsayJoy's MBP is into S+M: Nothing I have ever seen at Giz has grossed me out (I am a mom, so there IS nothing that can gross me out any more).
The Sumo thing really is true. You know how much they eat, and how much they weigh and how much they must shat. I pity their interns......Benny getting waxed has nothing on those poor bastards.

Curves

@GeekyNerdGuy: The only thing that changes based on which way you start the roll is which way you have to pedal. No mater what the front roll is going to be the dirty roll. The other option is to have a big pile of toilet paper sitting at the base of the commode.

calebc

it's just a picture on the wall. perspective is all wrong compared to the wood paneling. in fact, you can see the paper wrinkling.

oh yeah, and the red border on either side...definitely just a poster on the wall.

sinsect

A friend of mine had this poster a while ago, though I was under the impression it was a gag poster and not from MAD magazine

Biist_Master

Judging from the formation of this system, the frontal paper roll is probably the "after" roll, which leaves little to imagination about what happens to the person`s balls, not mentioning other effects.

Maybe it`s been an attempt to "ease" the process for a person without arms, who lived there...

kristsj

How do you go to the bathroom with the TP in the way? looks like a poor mans bidet

@GeekyNerdGuy: Ewwwwwwwwww

Jimbles

@GeekyNerdGuy: Toss it in the basket to avoid cloging after the years. I bet its much cheaper than a plumber.

genterara

Gizmodo, you have the design backwards, it feeds rear-forward. If the paper fed toward the user it would just pile on the floor due to gravity.

This device pulls the paper under the user from the rear. The picture doesn't show, but a bucket may be used to catch any falling material as the turds go over the apex, before they're rolled under the next sheet. The design is far suprior to rear feeding since the user gets to see as the paper stops collecting material, to know when they can stop pedaling.

As for the pooping on the paper nay-sayers, all you have to do shift the sheet under you when you sit so that it's under your leg. Just sit up slightly when ready and start pedaling. The device is only $19.99, but the stainless steel bucket combo brings the price up to $49.99.

TheHairyOne

This is one Tour de Pants where the yellow jersied dude is the clear loser...

Stem_Sell

I'd rather drag my ass on the carpet than use this thing.

JackHoliday

One must wonder, how is this effective, theres no method of forcing it into the crack, so it just rolls along the (hopefully) no-shit covered outer cheek, essentially just giving you one hell of a rubbed raw ass and sack if you get carried away pedaling.

Con Seannery