Galactic Empire Begins Invasion of San Francisco

Informed by the Bush Administration that a Rebel base is located in the heart of San Francisco, Imperial forces surrounded the city in advance of a full-scale invasion. While Imperial Admiral Piett promised administration officials that the assault would commence only if the Rebel forces fail to surrender by 8PM PDT tonight, video reports on the ground reveal that Imperial fighters have already begun flybys and the Death Star battle station has moved into position above the city.

Admiral Piett assured Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger that concerns the Death Star’s weapon systems would wreak havoc on much of the state were without merit, stating that damage to the city’s outlying areas would be minimal. Reached for comment from his bunker, Mayor Gavin Newsom pleaded to baffled reporters, “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you’re my only hope.” Rebel forces have yet to respond to demands for their unconditional surrender. [Current via Presurfer]