@tetracycloide: Thats not a gadget, thats a kitchen requirement.

Log1c

Can I get the Weight Watchers point values for all the food items above?

StickyC

Hmpph! All this damned MEAT but no amazing gadgets for VEGETARIANS? Where's The Brocc-o-Lator™? Or Tofu-in-a-Can™? A Karrot Kabobber™? Not even a Beet-o-Matic™? Dwight Schrute would not be happy.

OT: -37

bosskev

That Batter Blaster is an odd product. The concept is great honestly, but I think the product needs work. It seems sort of like it builds bubbles in it easily, and has an odd aftertaste (taste like eggs to me).

Z3Relic

@MngoJuce: genius!

trendspotter

@Log1c: Agreed. Anything that can help fill my gut with melty cheese and pepperoni in 90 seconds a winner it is.

Chromeo

@thedoctah: You can't live in Chicago, you don't go to frozen after tasting the stuff we have here.
And, the easiest good tasting meal is spray-bottle E-Z cheez on Club crackers.

mferrari

@CarbonFalcon: I bought one last month because I could not resist. It tastes like a standard pancake, but it's way more entertaining. By the time I was done with the can the novelty had warn off. I can't justify buying it all the time, but it was fun for that one time.

jonny6pak

@qbrad: here in sao paulo at the best pizza places they can cost way more than that. A nice shrimp pizza at Camelo in São Paulo is 100 brazilion dollars = 100 reais = 70 dollars. A regular muzzarela is about 25 dollars

Ariel_Wollinger

I'd try the s'mores maker.

theblackdog

I think it would be funnier to write:

CAN I HAZ CHEEZBUGERZ?

Ariel_Wollinger

You know, they actually sell that pancake batter in a can around where I live. I've seen it in a regulaar grocery store and have been tempted to buy it.

CarbonFalcon

@thedoctah: 20 bucks for a pizza??? Where do you live?!

qbrad

The pizza oven would pay for itself easily. 20 bucks a pop for a pizza or buy the ingredients for the same price and cook your own (or toss in a frozen one). Little skeptical about the 90 seconds though....

thedoctah

You can do what the Toastabag does w/o the cleanup required of the "reusable" bags. Just toast two slices of bread then put cheese in the middle and pop into the microwave for 5 seconds. Just enough to melt the cheese and not make the bread soggy. I've been doing that for years. YMMMMMM (not really).

MngoJuce

@Miranda Kali (Desperate But Not Serious): i think even Alton Brown would agree that a kitchen aid mixer is second to the ultimate kitchen gadget: an 8 or 10" chief's knife by shun. those kitchen aid mixers are nice though.

tetracycloide

So the vertical steak is really a vertical Foreman? Is the Doughnut maker anything like the cornballer? HOT!!!!

qbrad

thank's giz it's friday: best quote ever.

Ariel_Wollinger

Those toastbags actually look kinda useful. Reusing them might be a stretch.

Munch the BanNail

@Miranda Kali (Desperate But Not Serious): I like my food processor because I can't bake, but man can I make salsa.

Log1c

Does the 'dough-nu-matic' make cheerios sized doughnuts or is the machine bigger than my fridge?

i has small fridge...

kahri

That and those new muscle building/ fat burning safe drugs and we are set!

Ariel_Wollinger

For you cavemen who have mastered the art of applying heat to your food in new and creative ways, there is no better gadget than a Kitchen Aid mixer.
...As kitchen gadget God, Alton Brown will tell you. (his is sooo sexy! It's got flames!)

Miranda Kali (Desperate But Not Serious)

Oh man! Put the Batter Blaster with the Dough-nu-matic! and you get win!

That pizza oven actually sounds quite awesome, a pizza in 90! seconds. Fantastic.

Log1c

That is so not what the cheeseburger ACTUALLY looks like.

Kanidia

They soooooooooo need a cookie dough blaster. Not to make cookies with, just to squirt delicious cookie dough directly into my mouth.

Gann

Do you know HOW MANY FRICKIN CANS OF YODERS MY STEP DAD HAS DOWNSTAIRS?! at least 15...it's disgusting.

Carmen Sucks

This is also for guys who have too much money!
Some of this is disgusting (Cheeseburger in a can)
Some of it... I'd eat... (Can-o'-Bacon)

SprinklesTDD

My life...as a man and a college student has always felt empty. Now, after reading this article, my heart is lighter and so is my wallet.

Thanks, Gizmodo. I can now be the lazy man I've always aspired to be. Bacon is a can! Why didn't I ever think about that? Now, if there was a way to hybrid the bacon and hotdog thing, why, I'd never have to leave my apt. again.

Anrui

@bosskev: Meh I eat meat...

dwight-schrute

I have at least one Toastabag-cooked cheese sandwich a week. They're incredibly convenient.

jbrecken

@Hijakk: I had one of those a few years back when I was in the area, those things are freaking awesome...

Burned my back side a little, but it was worth it (my own damn fault I suppose I asked for extra red chili sauce)...

bpapa9013

While the 12V portable microwave looks good, you haven't lived until you cook food with the heat from your engine and eat it. In the last week I've heated up fast food TWICE on my motorcycle. TASTY!

Lizard_King

@Anrui: I give to you: Sonoran Hotdogs.
The Sonoran hot dog, found in Tucson, Metro Phoenix, and in neighboring Sonora, Mexico, is a hot dog grilled in a processor or on a griddle, wrapped in Mesquite-smoked bacon, topped with freshly-chopped tomatoes, onions, shredded yellow or cotijo cheese, tomatillo salsa or red chile sauce, pinto beans, mayonnaise, ketchup and/or mustard, and served on a bread. Often served with a fresh-roasted chile.

Hijakk

@Ariel_Wollinger: 100 brazillion dolla! Mwhahahaha!

barzillion dollars will NEVER stop sounding funny to me...

bpapa9013

@tetracycloide:
Oooo! You said it. We carried Shun at the knife store I used to manage. Truly wonderful knives.

Miranda Kali (Desperate But Not Serious)

@noamjamski: Great, tell everyone where I live why don't you? A pie on 9th can be upwards of $20, but that's with fancy ingredients. Still about 16 bucks for a regular pie. What I have noticed is that the places with the higher prices, also have smaller "larges" C*cksmokers!

qbrad

@EBone: I thought it was "Carl's Jr. Fuck you, I'm eating!"

qbrad

@qbrad: Skinny Bones, I don't know what those pizza places on 9th ave are charging you but in my hood in Brooklyn a full pie is $15+ going pretty close to the $20 range.

That being said I want that pizza oven!!! I have to look into that! Quick and awesome! Making fancy random pizzas is a fun cooking hobby! Now I can reduce bake time from 8 minutes to 90 seconds! I wonder what kind of power/installation requirements it has? Time to go click that link.....

noamjamski

"You sure do know how to rehydrate a pizza"

nutbastard

I'll admit I'm just like the guy in the Carl's Jr. commercials a couple of years ago - the one where he stands in front of the meat counter at the supermarket, looking dumbfounded, and then just walks away. The tag line for the commercial was "Carl's Jr. - without us, some guys would just starve."

I can recommend one other gadget to help you with cooking. It's called a wife. And it has many other handy applications.

EBone

@qbrad: Dude.. my roomate and I paid $20 w/tip for a pizza the other night. Welcome to life in the New York Tri-State area.

Maxxofor

@qbrad: Yeah your stalkers now have an 11 mile strip of land to scour through to stage a "think different" intervention. At least in my hood the $18 pie is usually a "grandma" pizza which is thin crust sicilian with the cheese on the bottom and tons of sauce and garlic on top. It is the most genius pie ever.

noamjamski

@Log1c: pizza in 1.48571596 × 10^138 seconds?

lol123

something definitely not right about the batter blaster. Agreed it's ingenious but the taste and texture are off. on the griddle the pancakes puff up nicely as they should, but as soon as you take them off the heat and plate them, they collapse into sad little floppies.

naclone

If they weren't shy about including the truly gross (canned cheeseburger?) they should have also included MREs, as a nod to the traditional military mostly edible easy cuisine...

My dad was in the AF through my whole childhood and he would pick up a case of these from the BX for nearly every boy scout camp out.

They have gotten better over the years, but depending on the entrée they vary from terrible to surprisingly good. But if they were all you had to eat day after day I could imagine them becoming unbelievably boring and repetitive...

bpapa9013

See, all they need to do is make more items to cook food using flame. Because, no man can resist cooking with fire.

Xavoc

@EBone: Obviously you're going for the "money is no object" theory here. The pizza oven is cheaper, and doesn't yell at me to pick up after myself.

Jeff

Yoders Bacon looks so disgusting, but I do want that donuts maker thing and the smores one! I have a sweet tooth....

zerito87

@Jeff: But let's see the pizza maker mix you a martini and give you a BJ.

Wait, no, never mind on the second part. I don't want to see that...

EBone

Gonna have to try the smore maker, the price is right.

bitgod

There's a place near me that has Half price pizzas on Tuesdays. Run by a genuine Italian fellow, it costs me roughly 25 ZAR for a really good pizza. That's about $3.25.

God, I can't wait for Tuesday.

OddSock ZA

I have to say that the pancakes in a can are absolutely delicious. My brother made me try them and they're great.

puntai

Okay, in car microwave? No one needs popcorn or a burrito that bad.

junyo

My daughter bought some of the Batter Blaster stuff for laughs.

At Whole Foods. I kid you not.

infmom

yummy

urbanturban666

@noamjamski: It takes 90 seconds to cook, but how long does it take the oven to pre-heat?

srw

There is NOTHING wrong with the toasty sacks.

HYPHY like I'm Dolemite

I looked at the first item and thought to myself; "Something on this list is gonna be from SkyMall, i know it"

And dammit I was right.

D0rk

Mmm, hotdog flavored popcorn. Oh wait, that actually sounds several shades of nasty. What was I thinking?

@Kanidia:
No, no, it does. Right before they seal it up inside its little metal tomb.

@qbrad:
Pizza pricing varies by quality, region, and how stingy (or not) you are with the tip. At work, they like to order Cottage Inn pizza because it's about half the price of Leonardo's, and we _finally_ got them to stop buying us the BBQ chicken pizza (aka The Pipe-Cleaner) that noone wants to eat if they've ever tried it before.

@mferrari:
Depends on where you came from. Chicagoans probably love Chicago-style pizza, but there's no guarantee anyone who moves there will. I typically stick to straight pepperoni (the more the better), but I can go with other types of meat if that's all that's available. Mushrooms that are above the cheese can be evicted in a pinch, but if you've put any green peppers on it, it'll look real nice lining trash can. You can't get the taint of green peppers out of anything.

Now, the absolute best pizza I ever had was at a little Italian restaurant called The Vineyard in my hometown. I ordered a triple-pepperoni, and when they brought it out, there was about an inch of bare crust on the outside, about a quarter inch of sauce inside of that, about a quarter inch of cheese inside that, and the rest was a solid sheet of layered pepperoni, arranged in circles like a giant heaven-flavored target. And they cooked the pepperoni seperately, so there wasn't a lake of grease on top.

@bosskev:
There's nothing you can do to save broccoli or beets, and tofu has been found to reduce sperm counts in men. Now, for carrots, the best I can suggest is to soak either the storeboought shorties or hand-cut wedges in water for a few days. It makes them taste sweet instead of like planks of wood.

@Hijakk:
I've actually stopped buying regular hotdogs at all. These days, my version is beef brats fried up (in purple frying pans) in Open Pit BBQ sauce, on a bun w/ a slice of provalone. That is one special kind of tasty.

Purple Dave

@Kanidia:
I cant even imagine how that thing looks like when you open the can. However, this is not the first time I have seen this kind of stuff.

JuanX

Nice list. And the most awful is that canned cheeseburger. Thanks to this article I just found out that these are made and sold 10 mins from my home. But, I will not give them a try, ever...

Oshi

Actually the pancakes in a can aren't bad, and make weekday pancakes possible. A bit pricey, though... $4-something a can. Mmmmm, pancakes.

RideTi

@lol123: Well done, I had to go back and figure out what the hell you were talking about.

Also Matlab? I'm pretty sure my ti-89 can't do 90!

Log1c

Heh, steam your steamables.

man in gauze is king ramses II, silly.

What? No cans of Pork n Beans?

ripfire

@Purple Dave: If tofu lowers sperm count, why the hell are there billions of Chinese? :P

OddSock ZA

@OddSock ZA:
Because there are already billions of Chinese. Even someone with a low sperm count can get someone pregnant, and tofu apparently only causes a dip in your sperm count, not near-sterility. And they probably eat a lot more rice.

Purple Dave

Nah, don't need any of those gadgets. I've got one that cooks all the above, it's called a barbeque. And, it's practically a law that I get to drink beer while using it!

Ohh! Chicken!

@Ohh! Chicken!: I'm right with ya boss! ;)

If you can't throw meat on fire then get the hell out of my cave.
Bread is there to put meat on so fingers don't hurt from hot meat.
Beer is there to cool fingers from hot meat you ate anyway.

It's simple really.

I plan on reviewing all of this very very soon to explore any variations or refinements as I start an eight-day vacation at 6:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time today.

:D

strider_mt2k

::slowly takes a few steps back and leaves the discussion::

discounteggroll

@discounteggroll: A discount egg roll is getting away! Grab it!.

Also, obligatory: [xkcd.com]

samhealer42

I recommend the combo toaster/egg cooker. Makes a great McDonald's breakfast substitute.
[gizmodo.com]

Limekiller

Canburger is going in the rucksack on next 12 day outing...I'll pop that sucker out the 9th day while I come back to the campfire from taking a leak, saying that "I'm glad I brought money so that I could use that bathroom, I don't even like fast food!"

CrashingOut

@zerito87: Really, it's for your tooth? Cause it's goin' right to your ass. Your ass owes your tooth an explanation.

Con Seannery

@Purple Dave:

Ah, the BBQ Chicken Pizza from Cottage Inn. It's one of those things that sounds great until you get it. Once you eat it, you wished your finger fell off before you finished dialing the number to order it.

BigPanda

@qbrad:

Um, yeah.... A pizza w/ pepperoni is easily $20 in Seattle. Welcome to pretension-ville.

I know they're not that great but I do miss Little Ceasar's $5 Hot & Ready Pepperoni. Pizza on a hobo budget!!!

BigPanda

The Batter Blaster actually makes halfway-decent, if slightly rubbery, pancakes. It makes for some hideous waffles, though.

HeartBurnKid, creepy morbid freak

Wow... I'm kind of at a loss for words. I suppose I can sum up what I'm feeling with two words: disgust and hopelessness.

DisposableInterloper

better that TOFU or better that STFU?

Ariel_Wollinger