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10 Back to School Gadgets for Lazy Students
Posted by Sean Fallon at 6:00 AM on August 9, 2008
Summer has gone fast hasn't it? Hard to believe that many of you will be heading back to school sometime in the next few weeks. That means it's time to get on a schedule and prepare yourself for another semester of boring lectures, homework and tests. Sure, there is a lot of fun to be had--but the party is going to come to a screeching halt when you get out there into the real world. That's why you have to apply yourself now so you can get a good job when all is said and done. Either that, or you have to learn how to cut corners more effectively. Since this is the Thank Giz It's Friday roundup, we are going with the latter.
Step 1: Get on a Schedule
Even if you set your own class schedule, chances are you are going to have to get up before noon. So, you are going to need an alarm clock that gives you that jump start you need in the morning. I can guarantee that no clock will satisfy on more levels than the Orgazmo. Just set the alarm and an invigorating female orgasm will gently coax you from your slumber. Available for US$30. [Gobaz via Link]
Step #2: Dress For Security
If you go to a public school, you will probably find yourself caught in a crossfire at one point or another. Therefore, It is essential that you come to school with the appropriate bullet-proof protection.
Defender Hoodie: Features 2mm of Type IIA bulletproofing in the torso, which is enough armour to stop a 9mm full-metal-jacket round at a velocity of 1,090 feet-per-second. Too bad its only for police officers and security personnel in the UK. And the US$845 price tag sucks pretty hard too. [Bladerunner via Link]
Backpack Shield: Made from 13 layers of K-29 Kevlar that could stop a round from a .44 Magnum. Available on a Back to School sale for US$155-US$180. [Backpackshield via Link]
Step #3: Dress for Success
Dressing up for school isn't all about personal style and deflecting bullets, it is also about getting an edge. No matter what subject you are in, there is an article of clothing that can help you cheat like a champ.
Math Equations Shirt: Available for US$15. [Sanchez Circuit]
Calculator Belt Buckle: Available for US$10. [BeWild]
Science Crib Sheet Shirt: Available for US$25. [Computer Gear]
US History Cheat Shirt: Available for US$17. [Snorg Tees]
Step #4: Get the Right Supplies
Sure, you need a decent laptop, calculator, notebooks and the like but may I also suggest:
Doggy Style Pencil Sharpener: Those pencils aren't going to sharpen themselves people. Might as well have a good time doing it. [Link]
LiveScribe Smartpen: This high-tech pen records the audio in the classroom then syncs it with the notes you take. All of that information can be indexed on a PC or you can play back specific portions of audio by tapping the corresponding section on your notepad. Available in 1 and 2GB sizes for US$149 and US$199 respectively. [Livescribe via Link]
Step #5 Manage Your Time More Effectively
You know all that sleep you are losing by getting up earlier? Catch up in class using some of these sneaky eyelid stickers. Your teacher would probably have to be legally blind to miss it in a small classroom, but in an auditorium you are golden. [Link]
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
JD
Posted August 19, 2008 4:27 PM
That pencil sharpener shows once again exactly how much women are hated and held in contempt in Australia. Thanks guys.
Rabid Penguin
Posted 6:41 AM 9/8/08
@OMG! Ponies! Amazing Bacon Drinks: Oh... That's a relief... I thought maybe recognized me, and I really didn't want to talk to him.
Rabid Penguin
Kaspir
Posted 6:40 AM 9/8/08
holy crap I can just see the disemvoweling now....
Kaspir
Simpsons-Movie-ruled
Posted 6:39 AM 9/8/08
Uh-oh this topic is getting a lil' off topic.
Simpsons-Movie-ruled
lldsandsll
Posted 6:39 AM 9/8/08
bababooey bababooey
lldsandsll
lldsandsll
Posted 6:37 AM 9/8/08
lol guess i didnt get editted... guess theres some odd delay conspiracy trying to take me down.. the second one was funnier anyway.
lldsandsll
lldsandsll
Posted 6:36 AM 9/8/08
@daftrok:
apparently i got censored for saying c*ck. lemme try again.
i was saying that that's what my girl thinks too!
the best part of waking up is... definitely not me choking my c0ck down your snoring throat.
lldsandsll
Khuluna
Posted 6:36 AM 9/8/08
@lldsandsll: Try being the one to give BJ's at 4:30am. Yawning can be disastrous for the back of your throat.
Khuluna
lldsandsll
Posted 6:34 AM 9/8/08
@daftrok:
that's what my girl says. the best part of waking up is... when its by surprise dick rammed down your snoring throat.
lldsandsll
Ghinn
Posted 6:33 AM 9/8/08
@Blinklink11: Um, I hate to break it to you, but they didn't make ANY of them. All those products are real and for sale. Not that that's any better, come to think of it. Hey Giz, how bout a contest to think up better (read: crazier and even MORE impractical (except the bulletproofing. Schools nowadays are crazy)) back to school items?
Ghinn
highfloydelity
Posted 6:33 AM 9/8/08
@agscala: ...huh?
highfloydelity
daftrok
Posted 6:31 AM 9/8/08
@lldsandsll:
It's so sexually frustrating to suck off your meat at 4:30 in the morning.
daftrok
OMG! Ponies! Amazing Bacon Drinks
Posted 6:31 AM 9/8/08
@Rabid Penguin: He's staring at you because he's thinking of ways to kill you. Right now, he's imagining how your head would look floating in the water cooler bottle.
OMG! Ponies! Amazing Bacon Drinks
lldsandsll
Posted 6:26 AM 9/8/08
@lldsandsll:
edit, it's so sexually frustrating and sucks to have to beat off at 4:30 in the morning
lldsandsll
lldsandsll
Posted 6:26 AM 9/8/08
that clock would definitely work on me, i always wake up at the best part. it's so sexually frustrating to have to beat off at 4:30 in the morning.
lldsandsll
Rabid Penguin
Posted 6:24 AM 9/8/08
@Munch the BanNail: That's because the skinny kids can just read the answers off the fat kids.
Rabid Penguin
Rabid Penguin
Posted 6:23 AM 9/8/08
That last one with the eye stickers is freaking scary...Why does he keep staring at me.... he never blinks.
Rabid Penguin
cloudnine
Posted 6:22 AM 9/8/08
i can't believe kids these days actually have to worry about wearing bulletproof material. i don't know which is worse... that, or me saying the words "kids these days".
i'm going back to bed.
cloudnine
agscala
Posted 6:22 AM 9/8/08
I don't know if engadget is trying to prevent us from getting laid, or flunk us from school.
agscala
jkr2
Posted 6:22 AM 9/8/08
Hmm, I wonder which gender finds #4 more painful. The female w/ a big pole invading, or the male that walks away w/ less... er... um... pole.
jkr2
Weihovah
Posted 6:20 AM 9/8/08
no baby, i'm not staring at your boobs, i'm trying to find the equation for the volume of a sphere
Weihovah
Munch the BanNail
Posted 6:20 AM 9/8/08
If you want the equations shirt, you had better be skinny. Every size except small is sold out.
Munch the BanNail
Blinklink11
Posted 6:17 AM 9/8/08
lawl. Although I wish you guys would make one that was reasonable. And practical.
Blinklink11
yipes
Posted 6:16 AM 9/8/08
Five points to anyone ballsy enough to set up the pencil sharpener on their desk during a general lecture and start cranking out #2 Ticonderogas...
yipes
Gann
Posted 6:14 AM 9/8/08
cute girl: "do you have a calculator I can borrow?"
me: point to my belt buckle
cute girl: "you're awesome!" gets down on knees and starts calculating
me: "thanks, giz!" give thumbs up to camera
Gann
theMOE
Posted 6:13 AM 9/8/08
Those funny eyes are hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.
theMOE
Log1c
Posted 6:10 AM 9/8/08
@OMG! Ponies! Amazing Bacon Drinks: There is still a Spencer's here. Maybe corporate was too busy using these products to send the memo along.
That math equations shirt would be kind of hard to read though.
Log1c
Icantthinkofsomethingwitty
Posted 6:09 AM 9/8/08
Besides for that smart pen, the US History Cheat Shirt is something I have to have. It's surprising how often I have to recall where Canton, Kansas is located on a map. Does anyone even live in that s**thole?
Icantthinkofsomethingwitty
Sora57
Posted 6:08 AM 9/8/08
For the pencil sharpener: where do the shavings go?
Never mind, I don't want to know.
Sora57
OMG! Ponies! Amazing Bacon Drinks
Posted 6:07 AM 9/8/08
You know, there was a time when you could get this crap down at the mall at Spencer's Gifts. There's a reason it went out of business.
OMG! Ponies! Amazing Bacon Drinks
Kaiser-Machead's WALL-E fetish
Posted 6:03 AM 9/8/08
The expression on the girl's face across from the guy is actually funnier than the guy himself.
Kaiser-Machead's WALL-E fetish
spyguy99
Posted 6:02 AM 9/8/08
You should also get a Timex Data Link Watch, you can put notes on it.
spyguy99
mferrari
Posted 7:01 AM 9/8/08
Oh yeah this is great, because I fully intend to start high school with the goal of never getting laid, ever.
@stopitnow54: iPods are banned at my school because you can rename songs test answers.
The only method I am aware of that teachers aren't is to stretch a rubber band, write the answers on it, then unstretch and wear it on your wrist, it just looks like lines until test time. Not that I've ever tried it, *darts eyes back and forth*
mferrari
stopitnow54
Posted 6:54 AM 9/8/08
ahh, i can´t do that with my cellphone at my school! Cellphones are banned here, otherwise, i could get an A+ on all my exams
stopitnow54
banmojo
Posted 6:52 AM 9/8/08
I want to invent a disco ball that emits sex pheromones (sp?), some kind of anti-STD mist, and birth control mist all at the same time. That'd be rad in Austin Powers' world.
banmojo
Drew Draws nothing of merit
Posted 6:52 AM 9/8/08
Where I teach, the bulletproof hoodie is de rigueur after dark. Thank god I have a two week vacay in Europe before I go back to school.
They should make eyes that look like you care for Professors.
Drew Draws nothing of merit
lldsandsll
Posted 6:44 AM 9/8/08
actually i did that...but lately my thoughts have been in disemvowelment.
lldsandsll
Akibake-
Posted 6:43 AM 9/8/08
@agscala: You're so fired!
Akibake-
lldsandsll
Posted 6:43 AM 9/8/08
@Simpsons-Movie-ruled:
h srry. t ws shtty rtcl nywy
lldsandsll
Dr. Spaceman, Esq.
Posted 8:06 AM 9/8/08
I guess women don't go to school in Gizmodo land.
@mferrari: Write the answers on candy or gum. Eat evidence.
Dr. Spaceman, Esq.
Metkis
Posted 8:36 AM 9/8/08
Ahh the doggy style pencil sharper, I knew you'd make it in another article someday.
Metkis
Amiash is inquisitive
Posted 9:29 AM 9/8/08
uhm why this is thread became suddenly out of topic?
Amiash is inquisitive
Theophilus P. Wildebeeste
Posted 9:59 AM 9/8/08
The Orgasmo Clock, would it really wake most males?
More like send them back to sleep.
Theophilus P. Wildebeeste
shenanigans61
Posted 10:27 AM 9/8/08
@spyguy99: I'll stick to my Ti-84+SE. I can save notes, and so much more...
shenanigans61
MisterCow.Pnoy
Posted 11:54 AM 9/8/08
the eyelid stickers could finally help me win my staring contests with people across the room.
MisterCow.Pnoy
fatASCurtis
Posted 12:17 PM 9/8/08
@Icantthinkofsomethingwitty: Colbert referance... Niiice.
Apparently there are many Canton's... and each as shitty as the next.
fatASCurtis
jinnarh
Posted 2:11 PM 9/8/08
@Dr. Spaceman, Esq.: Yeah, gotta agree. and if I ever met anyone with the Orgasmo Clock or the pencil sharpener, I'd throw both in the nearby Chicago River.
jinnarh
doobiebros2two
Posted 3:31 PM 9/8/08
I buhogt the geren sihrt buacese I'm bad at mtah.
Is trehe one for selplnig?
doobiebros2two
GadgetPlay
Posted 10:57 PM 9/8/08
Why would police need anything bullet proof in Britain? I thought British criminals weren't allowed to have guns. What am I missing? On that same subject, why would students need these things either? You're not allowed to have a gun anywhere near a freakin' school. This just doesn't add up.
@Amiash is inquisitive: "uhm why this is thread became suddenly out of topic?"
I don't think it is. When you have an "Orgazmo (Great Movie!!) Clock" and a "Doggy Style" pencil sharpener, you're gonna have this sort of thing.
GadgetPlay
DaSmith
Posted 12:24 AM 10/8/08
@GadgetPlay: Um? Criminals don't give a fuck about rules, as far as I know. So no matter that it is illegal (like everywhere in the damn world) to use a gun for criminal activities, this wouldn't really stop them, would it?
DaSmith
DaSmith
Posted 12:22 AM 10/8/08
LOL Gotta love that history T-shirt. I guess US is the only country of which you can place the entire history info on a single T-shirt! :D
DaSmith
jammadave
Posted 12:51 AM 10/8/08
@lldsandsll: That made me laugh out loud, very hard, but I didn't want to actually type LOL.
@jkr I take the internet seriously: Er, have you ever met a girl who had a *problem* with a "big pole invading"? I'd think she'd be a little more hacked off that, you know, her head is missing.
jammadave
j12997967
Posted 4:23 PM 10/8/08
Those eyelid stickers would look less creepy if they weren't upside down. The wearer might have realized that himself if he wore less mascara.
j12997967
Zipway
Posted 1:42 AM 11/8/08
@Icantthinkofsomethingwitty:
As a matter of fact I live about 55 minutes away from Canton, Kansas! And yes, everything Colbert said about Canton applies to the rest of Kansas and is 99% true!
Zipway
lol123
Posted 2:23 AM 11/8/08
@mferrari: that's one of the oldest tricks in the book
lol123
bobx3
Posted 2:09 AM 12/8/08
I loved the cheat shirts...and I think I'm going to have to get the Orgamo Alarm Clock...for research purposes.
bobx3