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10 Ways to Escape From the iPhone Madness
Posted by Sean Fallon at 6:30 AM on July 12, 2008
Whew! There is a little too much iPhone stuff going on out there. It's getting a bit overwhelming--even for someone who actually owns one. Not to worry though. If you are tired of all the hype or you are a frustrated Apple hater, welcome to the anti-iPhone oasis. Here you can sit back, relax and learn how to block out the fanboy jibba jabba and achieve your iPhone-free Zen.
Sensory Deprivation: In order to achieve iPhone-free Zen, you must first learn to literally block out all of the messages bombarding your senses. The following gadgets can help.
The Oculas: If you are really, really hardcore, you could drop US$45,000 on what is described as "most complete and distinctly personalised lounging oasis in the world." This private fiberglass "relaxation theater" features a leather interior, massage chair, adjustable lighting levels, surround sound unit, TV, DVD and your choice of a Mac or PC. [Hammacher Schlemmer]
Sensory Deprivation Chair: Obviously, $45K is a bit on the expensive side for the average consumer. However, you could build your own chamber like Dutch artist Atelier Van Lieshout did with his Sensory Deprivation Skull Chair. You could also buy one from the art gallery in the link, but my guess is that it won't come cheap either. [Artnet]
Sound Relaxer Eye Shades: See no evil and hear no evil with an eye mask that features ocean waves, rainforest, rippling brook and raindrop sounds. You can even pipe in your own music. Available for US$24.99. [Overstock]
Brainwashing Goggles: If plain old sensory deprivation is not silencing the voices inside your head telling you to get an iPhone, a thorough brainwashing might be in order. These brainwashing goggles claim to rewire your brain using flashing images and other hocus pocus. No word on when and if the device will go into production. [Link]
Anti-Apple Propaganda: Another technique on the road to recovery from iPhone overload is to spend a little time viewing some anti-Apple messages. This T-shirt method is especially effective when being worn outside an Apple store at launch. You can take pleasure in mocking all of the fanboys suffering in line.
iDontCare available in a range of styles and prices. [Cafepress]
Ban the "i" available in a range of styles and prices. [Cafepress]
uSHeep available for US$18. [T-Shirt Hell]
Violence and Aggression: To hell with all of this hippie Zen crap! The only way to silence my rage is through aggression.
Hey lookit! Its one of those videos where some douche smashes an iPhone! Yeahhhhhh! Or how about an image of the iPhone 3G gruesomely dissected?
Desktop Punching Bag: Maybe it's time to go to the source of the problem. Damn that Steve Jobs! Just affix the punching bag to your desktop with the suction cup and slide a photo of your nemesis into the pocket on the front of the bag. Available soon. [Perpetual Kid]
Cellphone Jammer: This little guy will shut down any mobile phone signal within a 18-metre radius. Nobody can enjoy the iPhone, dammit! Available for US$550. [Advanced Intelligence]
Tags: 3g | apple | feature | iphone | iphone 3g | regulars | tgif | thank giz it's friday | top
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
Kathleen McLeod
Posted July 13, 2008 12:23 AM
thank you! at least I got a laugh in between my OH CHRIST WHEN WILL IT END moaning about iPhone madness
Gann
Posted 7:06 AM 12/7/08
@Quicksilver4648: Why not just make a small EMP generator?
Gann
Eruanno
Posted 7:03 AM 12/7/08
Cellphone jammer? Damn! I want one of those even without the iPhone being nearby.
Oh, the chaos. Oh, the mayhem. BWAHAHAAHHA!
Eruanno
jiffy
Posted 7:03 AM 12/7/08
But how will the 'too much iphone news' people complain in every single iphone thread if they can't see them?
jiffy
Quicksilver4648
Posted 7:01 AM 12/7/08
Man I really want a cellphone jammer. Just think about the amount of people I could piss off in one moment while still keeping my identity hidden.
Quicksilver4648
venomous_duck41
Posted 6:58 AM 12/7/08
@mferrari: i dont know about that... i have to admit, dreamcasts always kind of put me in a smashy/stabby mood.
venomous_duck41
Monty
Posted 6:57 AM 12/7/08
My approach was to create an MP3 file that has nothing but someone saying 'iPhone' over and over again, and have that playing on loop non-stop in the background. It might sound counter-intuitive, but you would be surprised how much you stop caring about iPhone coverage on Gizmodo when you have such annoying things playing in your ears all day long.
Monty
Cats
Posted 6:54 AM 12/7/08
@mferrari:
@venomous_duck41:
I just proved my point.
A several hundred dollar toy is still nothing more than a toy, and toys break all the time 0:)
Cats
venomous_duck41
Posted 6:51 AM 12/7/08
i wish that kid cut himself on some sharp metal or smashed his or his buddies hand with that hammer when 'disassembling' the iPhone. no serious injury, just enough to remind him that what he is doing is completely retarted.
venomous_duck41
mferrari
Posted 6:50 AM 12/7/08
You know giz, showing a video of an iPhone getting smashed in an article targeted at people who want one but cant have it (price, contract, insanity) was pure evil. I would've taken it! This is almost as bad as the time you smashed a Dreamcast.
mferrari
Cats
Posted 6:50 AM 12/7/08
My solution: I will continue to enjoy the wonder of ignorance and enjoy relying on standard methods. Because FFS, Apple fanboys are worse than Halo fanboys =/.
Cats
Tohe
Posted 6:47 AM 12/7/08
@dry-roasted-peanuts: May I suggest The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation You will feel a lot better about yourself and raise well above iPhone materialism :)
Tohe
tonashideska
Posted 6:45 AM 12/7/08
11: Stop looking at Gizmodo
tonashideska
Log1c
Posted 6:45 AM 12/7/08
Wow that creepy ass skull thingy is ....well creepy!
Log1c
iCarmen 2.0-Yellow Free Edition!
Posted 6:43 AM 12/7/08
If people would just conform they wouldn't bitch :)
iCarmen 2.0-Yellow Free Edition!
dry-roasted-peanuts
Posted 6:41 AM 12/7/08
My solution: Find something else to spend $200 (or however much they cost) and be happy with that.
dry-roasted-peanuts
mcjake
Posted 6:41 AM 12/7/08
@comfortablesofa: Yes. Truly you are the wisest among the gizmodo commenters.
mcjake
Tohe
Posted 6:41 AM 12/7/08
@strider_mt2k: "Dare" I say ...
Tohe
comfortablesofa
Posted 6:35 AM 12/7/08
Hmm
Wouldn't buying an iPhone fix all this?
comfortablesofa
strider_mt2k
Posted 6:33 AM 12/7/08
@Tohe: Hey yourself! Howaya?
I bought a new phone...not an iPhone, but a touchscreen one.
New toys for all! :D
strider_mt2k
Tohe
Posted 6:31 AM 12/7/08
Hey
Tohe
Y2KGTP
Posted 7:15 AM 12/7/08
How does that Sensory Deprivation Skull work, with the woman inside?
Y2KGTP
bombs_away
Posted 7:50 AM 12/7/08
Is it just me or did the brain washing goggles control box look freakishly like an iPhone...? It's EVERYWHERE!!!
bombs_away
Scuba Steve
Posted 7:36 AM 12/7/08
MY DS/Wii/Gamecube never broke!
Scuba Steve
victorj
Posted 8:14 AM 12/7/08
i love the cellphone jammer for a prank, but 550 its kinda expensive for picking on people.
victorj
Cinloykko
Posted 8:13 AM 12/7/08
is it me or is this anti-iPhone movement STILL filled with mentions of... the iPhone?!?!? if i wasn't such a tech-addict i would just say to hell with all this crap _|_
Cinloykko
notwhoyouthink
Posted 11:01 AM 12/7/08
I might pick up one of those shirts. The jammer would be cool to take to starbucks or something, and watch what people do when all their cellphones dont work, but for 550 dollars, its not worth the few times I would actually do it. I think I will just stick to making fun of douchebags who wait days in line for a phone. Thats my anti iphone.
notwhoyouthink
Edi_bOMB
Posted 1:56 PM 12/7/08
Freaking iphone is drawing too much attention... symbian just got open source damn it, stop programing for the iphone and start programming for my god damn nokia you bastards... and stop making me feel like buying this phone was a bad idea 'cuz it wasen't... i mean, it wasnt', right guys?... guys?
Edi_bOMB
pradster
Posted 5:52 PM 12/7/08
iHATE! thats what i feel burning inside me
I dont want this peer pressure!!
pradster
FreemanGman
Posted 8:00 PM 12/7/08
Well, one thing worse than Halo fanboys, Xbox fanboys, Linux fanboys is definitely Apple fanboys... who would love to have us all destroyed if we don't start using apple.
FreemanGman
strider_mt2k
Posted 9:05 PM 12/7/08
@Tohe: "Glyde" actually. ;)
Unfortunately I have more mundane matters to attend to.
First day back at work after an AWESOME week's vacation.
Good thing I'm off tomorrow.
(Gotta ease into these things...) :\
strider_mt2k
DMF
Posted 8:51 PM 12/7/08
heh, i went to Japan to get away from the iphone 3g release hype!... Looking at a Willcome D4 (sharp vista Umpc)...
DMF
Ginsu
Posted 10:00 PM 12/7/08
Ya know, it's funny.
I'm not gunna name names, but some of you anti-Apple trolls that feel it necessary to talk smack on EVERY SINGLE iPhone-related article are hopeless fanboys for some other phone.
Do you see all of us tracking you down on your phone's articles to rain on your parade?
I think not. But while it's on my mind, allow me to be the first "ZOMG FIRST POST THIS ISN'T AN iPHONE SO IT SUCKS AND YOU ALL SUCK AT LIFE HA HA LOSERS" guy on every single post Giz puts up about another cell phone.
and yes, FreemanGman, I'd like to see you and your blasphemous kind removed from existence.
@Edi_bOMB: I'm not one to say that following the crowd all the time is a good idea, but on occasion, when it's obvious that one product is going to eat another's lunch (iPhone > Nokia, at least in the 3rd party app space), you may consider going with the flow. Except in the case of windoze. There's never an excuse for using windoze.
Ginsu
GadgetPlay
Posted 3:33 AM 13/7/08
@Y2KGTP: "How does that Sensory Deprivation Skull work, with the woman inside?"
Quite nicely.
GadgetPlay
bobx3
Posted 9:03 AM 13/7/08
I'm tempted to buy the Anti-i t-shirt.
bobx3
MINI Driver
Posted 3:18 AM 14/7/08
Go buy a Zune and see if you can work out how to make calls on it, that should keep your minds off the iPhone....
MINI Driver
AdmNaismith
Posted 7:26 AM 14/7/08
Damn I want a Jammer- with a cigarette lighter power adapter. I'd drive around with it stuck to the roof of my car creating a cel-free zone everywhere I drove.
AdmNaismith
Bruce_A
Posted 9:21 AM 14/7/08
iPhone? What's an iPhone?
Bruce_A
dedalus987
Posted 1:50 PM 14/7/08
its convenient for this "escape from iphone madness" article to come up after every last iphone fact has been posted on this site. nice timing.
dedalus987
Cyfer911
Posted 11:26 PM 14/7/08
i am one of them who doesnt give a f* about if its a 1,2, or 3 g iphone. I need a phone not a voice recorder, notepad, organiser, motion enabled game stuff in my pocket. I need just 2-3 things from a phone. sms, call and camera sometimes. the rest of it is for ppl who does not understand that phone in your pocket doesnt need to do anything but call.
Go play your monkeyball games... i bet thats so much fun to start it 15th time. Same as every stuff we buy it gets us entertained for couple of days and than we understand that wtf.. its waste of time. than we put it in our pocket and wait for next ishit to show up.
Cyfer911