N.E.R.D. may get their lapdances for free, but I don’t know about ordinary people. I do know, however, that my lapdancing run-in in Vegas several years ago was a never-to-be-repeated experience. Girls with wonky boobs in Santa outfits, (it was June) my girlfriend in hysterics and me squirming with embarrassment, vowing that this was the last time I would have a lay-dee gyrate on top of my chest in order to extricate the dollar bill that said chum had put there for the tip. So this forty-buck glitterball-encrusted alarm clock seems like a safer option. One drawback I do see, however. Five shiny red buttons to work it—isn’t that going to lead to confusion amongst some people? [Nerd Approved]