Over-Competitive Seniors Fight for Wii Bowling Trophy, Vow to Destroy Each Other

We knew senior citizens were using Wii Sports to exercise without the risk of breaking a hip. What we didn’t expect were retirees with names like Lefty, Six Pack or The Hook vowing to destroy each other in a promotion video for a Wii Bowling championship, which looks produced by Jerry Bruckheimer for the World Wrestling Federation. Weak of heart? Sensitive eyeballs? Naphthalene balls? Then by all means don’t miss this promo, with the announcer shouting: “Who will RISE to the top and who will get LEFT in the DUST?” (Tip to the scriptwriters: when it comes to senior citizens, mentions of “rise” and “left in the dust” are a big no no no. NO.)

I mean, God bless these people, their energy and their happy Nintendo Wii times, but for the love of all that is good and sacred: “who will rise to the top and who will get left in the dust?” Are the producers of this video on a cocktail of blue, green, yellow, orange and purple pills? We don’t know. The real question is:

Greenspring’s Strikers
Dick “8 ball” Pelkey
Margaret “Magpie” Simpson
Ted “Gimpy” Campbell
Marge “Giggles” Krape

Oakcrest Mighty Oaks
Cliff “Lefty” LaMason
Charlotte “Sure-Chot” LaMason
Carolyn “Little Sib” Sibley
Louise “Queen of Spares” Ross

Sedgebrook Alley Cats
Otto “6 Pack” Rehm
Ginger “Ginger Snap” Kotz
Flora “Flora Dor”a Dierbach
Charlie “The Hook” Dierback

Texas Springs Texas Highanders
Bob “Stryker” Kaplan
Pete “Sidewinder” Robertson
Sally “Highroller” Pendergast
Phyllis “Fearless” Dunkin

[Thank you Steven]