At 6:08 AM GMT on the 22nd, activists Donna Sheehan and Paul Reffell hope you will join them in their quest for world peace—by having an orgasm. Yes, the two have organised Global Orgasm 2007 with the hope that through “the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy” we can “effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth”. Since manual stimulation is so 2006, we’ve rounded up ten gadgets that will help you contribute to the cause:
• The Danger Bomb Alarm Clock. This clock is sure to wake you up for the event, because it makes an exploding noise until you figure out how to turn it off. Sure, we could’ve gone with the Orgasmo, which makes the sound of a female orgasm, but that would probably just put us back in dream land. Besides, the Danger Bomb will serve as a good reminder of your own impending sensory explosion.
Now for the guys, here are some suggestions to get you going:
• A sex doll. For all those do-it-yourselfers (haha! get it?) with time on your hands, build a companion to cuddle with tonight. Make sure to hide it when company is around.
• The Blowjob Machine. If you don’t have time to build but still crave the feeling of a robot lover, go with this gadget out of Japan. This thing looks more “vacuum cleaner” than “erotic”, so be careful.
• The Rubbot. More mechanical goodness, the Rubbot is the most discreet male sex toy of the bunch. Too bad it’s still in beta, because judging by the job it did on that beer bottle you wouldn’t have any problem making it to the finish line in time.
• 1-900-Nerd-Girl. So you just can’t seem to get *there* without a little dirty talk? How about a little nerdy talk instead? Hearing these ladies talk Star Wars and D&D will have your light saber up in no time.
• Condom applicator. If you’ll be sharing in the global orgasm with that special someone, you’re going to want one of these. Over-population is a major factor in world unrest, so don’t make the problem any worse.
Ladies, don’t think we forgot about you! We at Giz
have heard know that the female orgasm is not a myth, and we couldn’t leave you out of the festivites, so for you we present:
• A Vibrator. We have so many to choose from, but we decided to go with Inch Perfect, because it’s huge, it precise, and you need to get the job done quickly.
• The Call Me Panties. Stick your mobile phone in the Call Me Panties front pocket, put it on vibrate, and set your alarm. That way, you’ll be on your way to saving the world without leaving your bed.
• Nintendo Wii. How will a Wii help you reach orgasm, you ask?
And finally, for everyone:
• Open Mouth Ashtray. Phew, after all that hard work, you’re probably going to want a cigarette. Nothing says “I just participated in a Global Orgasm” quite like this ashtray.
That should be enough to get you started on your journey to heal the world. With less than 12 hours until the big moment, you better start making plans. I know what I’ll be doing at 1:08 AM EST; Hell, I probably would have been doing it anyway. [Global Orgasm, World Clock for 6:08 GMT]