"I want"

i want you to want me
i want to play oregon trail now
i want jeeves back
i want that

concrete_d

"Who made"

who made god
who made the first ipod

concrete_d

[search.yahoo.com] "is it legal"

is it legal to download music on the internet
limewire is it legal
is it legal to download works from peer to peer
is it legal to download music
is it legal to download tv shows

Oops. Those are less comedic than they are useful. Never mind.

someToast

"what is the best..." gives you "what is the best search engine". i clicked on that one, and in the sidebar i had a "narrow your search" option. the first suggestion there was "will you suck me"

notatoad

"how do"
how does an ipod work? <------WHO THE HELL DOESNT NO!

CCM333

"Why did"

#1 response: "Why did Jeeves Retire?"

lisana

Tried to do "how do i" but mistyped "how do u"

how do u make out
how do u get pregnant
how do u spell a word

The last one hurts.

mintkisu

"how much wood"
how much wood could a woodchuck chuck
how much wood can a woodchuck chuck
how much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
how much wood would a woodchuck chuck
how much wood can a woodchuck chuck?
how much wood is in a cord
how much wood is in a rick
how much wood could a wood chuck chuck
how much wood in a cord
how much wood can a wood chuck chuck?

FubarGuy

Does anyone:

Does anyone actually use ask.com?

Hahhaha

Pixelantes Anonymous

"Can men have" is very educational. I didn't know people needed to actually find out if men can have babies. I stand corrected.

Pixelantes Anonymous

Even better:

When Does

"When does Halo 3 come out?"

bana

You guys gotta try WHY DO BOYS, WHY DO WOMEN, WHY DOES IT HURT and WHY DO CHILDREN

ext212

How should I:

how should i get my mom into bed with me

Oookay.

Pixelantes Anonymous

Why does it:

Lots of people apparently suffer from pain while urinating. I did not need to know that.

I'm with you lankysob! TGIF

Pixelantes Anonymous

my sister

my sister in the tub
my sister jerked me off
my sister was asleep
my sisters keeper
my sisters hot friend isabella
my sisters hot friend galleries
my sister put me in a dress
my sister
my sisters best friend
my sisters pictures

MacPro5GB

How does one:

how does one become a saint
how does one use a bidet
how does one become a fluffer
how does one get rid of gnats

Yea, fluffer. Ask the Dyson inventor maybe? :)

Pixelantes Anonymous

Oh, you can freeze ANYTHING. :-)

Harlan

Wait. Can you freeze cheese?

noamjamski

Why isnt...

why isnt google working

It's good to know that the search engines keep tabs on one another.

Capn_Panic

why does:
why does my eye twitch?
why does asparagus make urine smell?
why does my belly button hurt?

my baby:
my baby is constipated.
my baby has diarrhea.
my baby does the hanky panky.

my leg:
my legs are too skinny.
my legs itch when I run.

I can do this for hours. Good thing it's Friday.

lankysob

That was all very enlightening. My faith in humanity just went down a few notches. Now please excuse me while I get impregnated in a hot tub by my black cousin who was born white.

metonae

do you know how:

Artic Wolves survive
to clean a music CD
make a baby scrapbook

well there goes the DIY craze.

PapaJoe44

Ha! Doing a Google search of the Vicodon question I posted yielded, "Is it dangerous to take Vicodin during your pregnancy?" Now THAT is weird.

Electroqueen

explain hair follicle test
explain the purpose of the algorithm

-smoke pot, get meta-

indemnitypop

Can I get rid of the HPV virus?
...pregnant while on my cycle?

@Altanader:
...are they born black? (ask.com's suggestion)

Is the Shingles disease contagious?

Can Jesus fly?

Is it dangerous to snort Vicodin?
... to smoke tea?
... shower during a thunderstorm?
... eat too many bananas?
... look at the sun?
... pierce your own belly button?
... to eat moldy bread?

How can I get rid of Silverfish?

Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie married? (Still?!)

Electroqueen

The comedy never dies. Every time I leave I end up coming back for more...

is it wrong to have a crush on a teacher
is it wrong for women to wear pants
is it wrong to think my sister is hot
is it wrong to date an older man?
is it wrong to marry your second cousin

Vagabum

When "who in" is typed:

who invented the toilet
who invented the light bulb
who invented electricity
who invented pizza
who invented the internet?
who invented the internet
who invented the telephone?
who invented the microscope
who invented the telephone
who invented soccer

tech2free

@mlebarron: the 'can a man' version is just as funny:

can a man get a yeast infection
can a man discipline his wife
can a man get pregnant
can a man have a baby
can a man carry a baby
can a man get a yeast infection?
can a man get pregnant?
can a man have a yeast infection
CAN A MAN GET A SHEEP PREGNANT
can a man love two women

so i think most ask.com patrons are most worried that thier mean are carrying children and yeast infections while impregnating sheep...

my favorite is still 'can you eat a' which returns 'can you eat and breath at the same time?' at the bottom. kinda makes you wonder how that person has continued to live without asphxiating themselves up to this point...

tetracycloide

"are bl"

ARE BLACK BABIES BORN WHITE?

Altanader

@pr0ff3ss0r_j3rkwh3at: That was my first reaction.

@jackjumper: Sometimes the Google suggest makes it look like you have been looking at porn when you weren*t.

Ok, this is getting annoying, I can*t type apostrophes in text boxes because Firefox tries to open a page search whenever I do type an apostrophe and that is after I had to disable the auto page search because it wasn*t letting me type in text boxes.

ceilingFANBOY

try "ask me about"

I swear, this is not a link to my blog.

agrajag42

Do bears live in Africa?

Altanader

Making fun of Jeeves:


is Jeeves stupid?
is Jeeves married
is Jeeves coming back
is Jeeves jovial
is Jeeves eves well endowed?
is Jeeves a real person
is Jeeves on vacation
is Jeeves real
is Jeeves retarded

Vagabum

"When should I be" returns:

when should i be able to feel my uterus

I'm not sure what that means exactly, but maybe that's because I'm a guy...

grizgza

CAN YOU GET PREGNANT IN A HOT TUB? JESUS, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I SHOULD HAVE BEEN WORRYING ABOUT THAT!

nystreetfilms

is it dangerous for cats to eat dog food
is it dangerous to fly if you are pregnant
is it dangerous for dogs to eat chocolate?
is it dangerous to awaken sleepwalkers
is it dangerous to live near power lines?
is it dangerous for a child to eat soap
is it dangerous to eat too many bananas
is it dangerous to fly while pregnant
is it dangerous to eat raw eggs
is it dangerous to mix alcohol ibuprofen

Good times....

Vagabum

"is it ill"

gives

is it illegal to kill a praying mantis

NZRUSS

I dont want: "I dont dont want to fly how do i get to spain?"
Look at me: "Look at men masturbating"
Does j: "Does Jeeves have an evil twin?"
Je: Interestingly Jeeves rates higher as a search term than Jennifer Aniston?

Nearly every search term comes up with suggestions about pregnancy. I can only assume the only people who use Ask are people who are, want to be, or don't want to be pregnant...

fredlicious

Google suggest (or the search box in firefox) does the same thing. I typed in "is it legal to" and got (among others):

"marry your cousin"
"buy marijuana seeds"

jackjumper

is it:

is it normal to cramp during pregnancy
is it too soon to take a pregnancy test
is it too early to tell if im pregnant
is it ok to give an aspirin to a dog
is it safe to fly while pregnant
is it possible to get pregnant on the pill
is it ok for dogs to eat grass
is it bad to chew ice
is it possible for a man to be pregnant
is italy a country

iomatic

@@werk: No, Not the LEFT one!!!!

balloondoggle

can your intestines stretch around the world

Slavik0329

I typed "am I" and one of the results was "am I fat" being skinny I thought that was funny, but hey maybe there is someone somewhere who doesn't know that as a man you're not supposed to lactate from your breasts.

Zdogg333

"Will it"

blend

robman84

when will...

when will the world end

bandit

Search "how easy"

how easy is it to get pregnant
how easy is it to get pregnant?
how easy is it to become pregnant
how easy is it to catch hpv?
how easy is it to catch hpv
how easy is it to get aids
how easy is it to get a woman pregnant?
how easy is it to break an elbow
how easy is it to modify unix
how easy is it to contract aids

Disease, pregnancy, injuries, and Unix... together at last!

remps

Try:

ask.com is

bandit

try "ask.com is"

HAHAHA

@werk

LMAO sorry for the double-post but one was
"Can my teeth melt in a fire"
LOL

Altanader

Is my husband cheating?
Is my husband cheating on me?
Is my husband cheating
Is my husband an alcoholic
is my husband cheating on me
is my husband having an affair
is my husband still in love with me
is my husband an alcoholic?

And what did I type in?
"is my hus"

Altanader

"can I sell my"

last result returned is:
can I sell my testicles

when you go click on it gives the the option to expand the search to:

"Sell My Left Testicle"

@werk

Type in "how should I" and one of the options you get is "how should I get my mom into bed with me."

That is...well...yeah...bad grammar aside, that's just wrong.

DayDreamerDoug

Type in "Can humans..." and you get:

Can humans get worms from cats
Can humans get fleas
Can humans get worms from dogs
Can humans fly
Can humans be cloned
Can humans get parvo
Can humans catch mange
Can humans get pregnant by animals
Can humans take acepromazine
Can humans get mange

Cardinal Fang

third option down for "conjunction"... "conjunction junction" :-)

huygir

"what if... i am a black woman?" lmao

Marty

They obviously do some "filtering" of their own... I've tried several things involving "killed", "murdered", "lesbian", etc. that it has either no suggestions for OR absolutely will not acknowledge (try "lesbian").

huygir

Just plain disturbing...

can a woman get pregnant by a horse ?
can a woman get pregnant by a dog
can a woman get pregnant before ovulation
can a woman wear black to a wedding
can a woman with amenorrhea get pregnant
can a woman ovulate two times a month
can a woman give a man a yeast infection?
can a woman tell if she is infertile
can a woman have two uteruses
can a woman get pregnant by an animal?

mlebarron

For "How many women.."

how many women are in the senate
how many women are in congress
how many women are in the military
how many women has gene simmons slept with

JakMehoffer

@pr0ff3ss0r_j3rkwh3at: Dude, after reading that line in the pic, I have to know now. Should go ask them at a pet store just for the reaction.

HDC

type "what if" ... further down you'll see a few moon references...then outta nowhere comes..."what if i am a black woman"...not sure how that fits in the picture...but ultimately brings up the question nonetheless

manjay

but I really wanted a penguin!

pr0ff3ss0r_j3rkwh3at

"I want to be anorexic". [ask.com]

And in the Narrow your Search section, it gives you Tips on how to be anorexic (to get you started, I guess=, Anorexic celebrities (someone to look up to), Proud to be anorexic, and the ultimate trick: "Eat Ice to become anorexic".

Awesome...

Gatonegro

For "Can you"

Can You Get Pregnant While on Your Period
Can You Doo Doo
Can You Get Pregnant during Your Period
Can You Get Pregnant from Precum
Can You Get Pregnant on Birth Control
Can You Show Me a Dick
Police Forces

3xch4ng3

"getting rid of" and "removing" are pretty good. Apparently people are really worried about stretch marks.

"Smells", "is it" and "is it ok" are also pretty funny

AndyDuncan

@thecharlie: By the way, it's the second suggestion when you type in "it is possible" in the search field. I wonder how they rank that stuff.

thecharlie

I typed "George Bush Is", and the suggestions included "George Bush Is A Moron", and "George Bush Is Evil"

faabshaam

Just put in "who" and let it suggest. Sheesh.

Sushiwriter

This suggestion takes the prize:

"is it possible for a man to be pregnant"

HAHAH

thecharlie

i started typing in "i want" and the first suggestion was "i wanna be anorexic." some great websites and tips ensued! i'm gonna never eat again thanks to ask.com!

jdunns4

The first one is messed up because it says 13 not just because. searching for "I am":

i am 13 i want to loose weight fast
i am always tired what could be wrong
i am legend
i am looking for discount airline tickets
i am
i am sam
i am looking for the grapefruit diet
i am legend movie
i am pregnant when will i begin showing
i am looking for information about wolves

EvilPaul

I would just like to take a moment to inform you all that yes, Italy IS a country. Apparently, there's some doubt about that.

Gizmog

"Should I"

should i be showing at 7 weeks pregnant
should i go to work with pink eye
should i pop a blister from a burn
should i take creatine
should i stay with my boyfriend
should i break up with my boyfriend quiz
should i stay or should i go
should i file bankruptcy
should i take coenzyme q 10
should i get a divorce

I'm sure the good people at ask.com will lead to you wonderful advice.

duckers

@bandit: Wow. . . so "ask.com is. . . stupid". . . and "google is. . . better". Clearly, Ask's system isn't working in their favor!

ProfessionalGun

Last one. Gotta go to bed.

Ask the oracle. "Will I":

will i get better if i have mrsa
will i be rich
will i get married
will i ever get married
will i be rich?
will i ever get married?
will i get married?
will i marry orlando bloom
will it rain tomorrow
will i lose weight if i stop eating

Here are my guesses: No you will not be rich. Yes you will get married, but not to Orlando Bloom. It may rain tomorrow, bring an umbrella. If you stop eating you will lose weight and die.

ebgizmo

This one is like a poem. "I am":

i am 13 i want to loose weight fast
i am always tired what could be wrong
i am legend
i am looking for discount airline tickets
i am
i am sam
i am looking for the grapefruit diet
i am legend movie
i am pregnant when will i begin showing
i am looking for information about wolves

ebgizmo

"I want to". These are sure not the things I want!

i want to read the preamble
i want to become a home travel agent
i want to build a wooden fence show me
i want to play oregon trail now
i want to download full games for free
i want to build my own go cart
i want to become a product tester at home
i want to create my own board game
i want to get pregnant
i want to be a disney channel actor

ebgizmo

Users of ask.com are clearly obese, poor, locust-infested fundamentalists who are having trouble dropping eggs.

when will the world end?
when will alli diet pill be available
when will i get married
when will the next blue moon occur
when will i get married quiz
when will i receive my tax refund
when will i ovulate
when will the cicadas be gone
when will my baby be born

dougvox

"When Will"

When will the cincada's been gone.

WTF is a cincada?

"Is George Bush"

Is George Bush the antichrist

"Is Stupid"

Is stupider a word
is stupidest a word

Wow i've always wanted to know that....

"Should My"

should my puppy be losing teeth
should my flag be at half mast today
should my boyfriend and i move in together
should my child have the mmr vaccine
should my newborn be sweating
should my tie match my pocket square?
should my child skip kindergarten
should my child repeat kindergarten
should myspace have an age limit?

DJTripleRRR

One of the suggestions for search term "britney spears" is:

britney spears ab workout


"how to print" yields three suggestions relating to money:

how to print my own money
how to print money
how to print fake money


"how to weigh" yields lots of suggestions to drugs:
how to weigh out drugs
how to weigh crack
how to weigh drugs


"how to ride" yields suggestions to:
how to ride a man
how to ride a guy
how to ride a man in bed

lolz.

aquanetta

Then I searched for "women like", here are ALL the suggestions:

women like to be tied up
women like wearing tights
women like handcuffs
women like
women like girth or length better
women like me lyrics

whoa.

aquanetta

"Discipline your wife" is higher than "discipline your children". Two results higher. Hooray for red-blooded Americans.

cmoody17

Type in "does" and this is the first respsonse:

-does miley cyrus have a boyfriend?

Isn't she like 13?

ctoa23

have... limewire users been sued?
could... i be pregnant?
would... i look good with a perm?
women... with swords? urinating?
Keira... with no clothes on?

But the "Algorithm" doesn't seem to know about Doda, at least not enough to suggest me something about her.

whiskey

I thought "can I get pregnant while I'm on my cycle" had something to do with weird motorcycle fetishes...

Muttonchops

Can a human get pregnant from an animal?
Can a human get a dog pregnant?
Can a human live on Venus?
Can a human become spiderman?

Altanader

when i grow up, i wanna be a penguin.

crazylittlegirl

Pure gold. I'm going to waste a lot of time with this one.

Ben Zvan