Yes, folks, it's time for your favorite part of Gizmodo, the daily roundup where we tell you just exactly what ISN'T going on with the iPhone.

Bong! Her Majesty the Queen of England has not been given an iPhone to see whether she can feed the Corgis with it or not.

Bong! No iPhone was found orbiting Uranus in an Oldsmobile last week.

Bong! Zapruder footage did not show man behind grassy knoll using iPhone to call Marilyn Monroe and say excitedly, "Dere you are, sweetheart, I gottim. Now it's just you and me, babe."

Bong! Marvel Comics are not to introduce new superhero iPhoneMan (slogan: I phone, therefore I am a man with fingers; uniform: black teeshirt and jeans in easywipe spandex; catchphrase: "Boom!"

So, if that was not the non-news, what is the non-news? Ah, you'll find it hiding behind the grassy knoll that is the jump.

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As if you didn't feel guilty enough scarfing down those last two cookies, these confections pack 260 calories each, and they're not going to let you forget it, either, because there's the damning information, printed right there on the cookie itself. But 260 calories? WTF? They're big, though, weighing in at 2.1 ounces apiece, so maybe that's worth it.

Hang on a second. To make you feel even more guilty, they cost $25 for two. Huh? Oh, yeah, these are considered conceptual art as well as having that incidental attribute of being edible. We get it: more expensive than caviar, and twice the guilt. Next thing you know they'll just go ahead and print a picture of a pig on the front of the cookie. Let's just hope this isn't a trend. – Charlie White

Forget the box -- artists print nutrition information directly on desserts [Sci Fi Tech]

This N700 USB drive looks like that bullet train in Japan, lovingly referred to as Shinkansen. No, it doesn't have a whistle that blows, or travel down a track, or release a sweet odor, feed your cat do anything else but store just 128MB of data and charge you $38 for the privilege.

Take off its back and you'll see that USB plug, giving you an indication of its small size. But damn, they could've fit at least four gigs in there. Even so, we tip our hats to our Gizmodo Japan brethren for finding such a thing, however deficient, but still a fetching artifact. – Charlie White

Shinkansen N700 USB Flash memory [Newlaunches]

The Etsumi Display Mirror is a mirror mounted in a simple mechanism that will allow you to frame and shoot your photographs at extreme angles. It works with any 2 or 2.5-inch screen compact camera: just attach the device on the back using two sticky strips and there you go, perfectly framed candid up-the-skirt photos in the subway weird angles at any time.

Personally, I prefer my instant shots to be much more spontaneous. OK, that sounds just wrong: what I mean is not-framed, blurry and who-the-heck-is-that-chin-right-on-that-corner style photos. However, I can see why many people will want this ability. If you can live with opening the mirror each time and its reverse image, prepare to spend $22 plus import duties from Japan. – Jesus Diaz

Catalog page (in japanese) [Etsumi via Impress Photo Watch]

They're using the same music from the US spots, but there's a different attitude with these Brits. Still, same idea—the PC guy is a bit overweight, has a big nose and is just not nearly the hepcat the Mac dude is. Anyway, they just sound so, uh, polite compared with us crude Americans.

They also make a good point: Office plays well on Macs. In fact, Microsoft makes tons of money selling Mac software, and last year agreed to continue developing Office for Mac OS X for five more years. – Charlie White

Hot on the heels from last week's dog juice catcher canine sex toy comes this vibrating pet massager. In a tasteful FootSpa aqua color, this 4.5-inch bone-shaped device apparently soothes sore muscles, relaxes, and enhances the bond between pet and owner. As do regular visits to the park, a bowl of food and a bit of attention.

The blurb also says that the gizmo stimulates oil glands to give your pup a healthier coat. Let's hope that they're the only glands the $5.95 Pet Massager does its work on, otherwise I foresee a nation of Dogs Gone Wild if they are denied a daily happy finish. – Ad Dugdale

Product Page [Puppy's Place via UberGizmo]

Without the lights, this looks like the sievey thing that goes in my juicer. With the lights going flashy-flash it looks like something from Buck Rodgers' foppish wardrobe - let's face it, it still doesn't look like what it is, which is a watch. It goes by the name of Shinshoku and it consists of a metal bracelet with holes punched in it and a bunch of LED lights.

And now a quick time-telling lesson. According to my Shinshoku, it's 9.37. How do I know that? The red dots count the hours, the yellow ones blocks of five minutes, and the green ones each subsequent minute. So actually it's not that complicated . although there are one-color versions (but don't ask me to explain how they work, it's FAR too early in the morning). The Shinshoku will cost you $114.05 and a bit of getting used to. – Ad Dugdale

Product Page [TokyoFlash via Boing Boing]

Thanks to Amos for pointing out the redirect from the US site is now in full effect. Kinda caught us with our pants down, as we haven't quite caught up with today's feed content from the US.

Rest assured we'll be keeping their stuff as close to live as possible, while bringing our own set of posts to the mix.

I'll be running a few posts in coming days to ask for your input on how you want this edition to run. In the meantime, if you need to tell us we suck, there is a comment section available and you can always tell me to my inbox.

Now, on with the show...

Previously, in the last episode of "Burn iPhone Burn!": anonymous Cupertino area-man going by the pseudonym of I'm Just Going to Make Up Some BS, So There!â„¢ He Who Shall Not Be Namedâ„¢ declared to Ars Technica that "Apple had 50 OS engineers working around the clock in Taipei to make sure that this shipped on time." He argued that the problems were with Q/A and the software. Meanwhile AT&T COO Randall Stephenson said that everything was A-OK for a oh-so-great iPhone launch and J.R. discovered that Sue Ellen is really Steve Jobs' daughter. Today, Gizmodo's own Deep Throat in the Infinite Loop campus spills the beans about the not-really-MIA Apple gang.

Discover the thrill and suspense of the missing 50 OS X engineers and much more in the all-new-but-sightly-stale-and-corny episode of our Gizmodo Series... RIGHT AFTER THE JUMP!

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These sexy new Bluetooth headset designs from Motorola won't be available in stores any time soon. As part of the launch of the new H800 Slider Bluetooth Headsets, these concepts were shown off to highlight the laser etching possible on this new line.

The H800 is comfortable too. Comes with three ear hooks to help get the right fit, and the headset features 6 hours talk and 8 days standby. The slider gets the mic closer to your mouth, plus powers down for extra battery life when not in use.

Sadly, they are right when they tell us that as good as these designer options look, they just don't sell. At least, not during the product launch window, and only ever in limited numbers. The black licorice model is safe like a big city law firm.

You can see the laser etching is there on the main line, but still very corporate. Maybe the others are too brash -- only allowed at work on casual Friday?

Do you like these? Enough to wear them?

Close ups of the concept designs found after the jump.

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If you didn't get enough of our coverage of Red and their Red One 4K camera at NAB, here's one more thing to tide you over until the release. It's a clip of Peter Jackson's "Crossing the Line" video that was shot entirely with "Boris" and "Natasha", the Red One prototypes.

This video is only 1/4 the resolution, so you'll probably only be 1/4 as impressed as people were when they saw it live. – Jason Chen

RedUser [via Crunchgear]

We shot a little footage of the new auto wall mount option available from Samsung to suit most of their new TV range (40-inch and bigger screens). Remote controlled, it pans, it tilts, and it even turns in shame when you get a bit too excited about Dancing with the Stars.

Price is expected to be $900, though could be seasonally adjusted.

Yes, the vid could be better. But then, I could have brought nothing home, and then where would you be! -Seamus Byrne

This bicycle lift from some Norway may be old hat for them, but totally blew our minds when we saw it earlier today. Picture a guided train track railing that you stick your foot on while you ride your bike that will guide you up a hill.

The entire idea is so brilliant that we're now demanding that it be installed all over San Francisco in order to ease congestion (took us nearly an hour to get from one part to another thanks to the Cherry Blossom Festival). Check out the gallery to see all 130 meters of it in action. – Jason Chen

Bicycle Lift [Fresh99 - Thanks Tomhut]

Most of today's cellphones are pretty good when it comes to battery life, but Motorola is hoping it can make them better by fusing a phone's LCD with solar panels. The company has a new patent that speaks of a mobile phone with a screen that can both power the device and charge its internal battery. The concept itself isn't new, but we hope the folks at Motorola can turn this idea into a reality 'cause anything that can keep my smartphone juiced for a few extra hours is a welcome feature. – Louis Ramirez

Mobile Screens Become Solar Cells [Mad4Mobiles]

We love a crazy company like Solid Alliance that takes chances and does insane things much more than a company that just plays it safe and throws out yet another me too device and hopes it sells. Following up on their USB Food Hub and Food-shaped Flash Drives, SA's just released an Aura Monitor cellphone strap.

Essentially a giant mood ring, the Aura Monitor changes between eight different colors depending on your mood. So yes, it's just as useless. But it does look pretty cool as a cellphone strap. – Jason Chen

Solid Alliance does something crazy [Akiba News via Uber Gizmo]

If you're used to having your one-bedroom apartment littered with Chinese takeout boxes, then these Take Out Container Lamps should bring a bit of kitsch. They're available in broccoli green, eggplant purple, hot and spicy chicken red, vomit yellow, and cost only $14.95 each.

We're always fans of stuff shaped like other stuff, so these lamps are something we could see buying as a nice housewarming gift. – Jason Chen

Product Page [Baronbob via Nerd Approved]

Samsung have updated their TV range across the board, with teh focus on their top-end M8 and mid-range designer R8 models. Remember the R7's V-shape base? Now it's become a silky smooth curve with a little light in the middle. Is that going to make you upgrade? No? How about some tasty spec upgrades and some delicious price downgrades. Like 15,000:1 dynamic contrast ratio. Yeah, that's right. Taste the black. Oh yeah, and FINALLY we get 3 HDMI inputs in a panel, along with a rainbow of other connection options.

Panels are expected to land in June. Details (and pricing) after the jump.

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I'm not sure what's scarier, the AK-47 she's holding or the iPod's invasion of all corners of the globe. Actually, my real question is: Would it be possible to replace the lip plate with a speaker? – Matt Buchanan

[via iLounge via Boing Boing]

The GhostRadar is all about spotting dead people. How? Hey! What's that over there!

Like any good supernatural product, there are some wonderfully non-committal disclaimers on the site, just in case you think this is going to turn you into the fifth Ghostbuster overnight.

GhostRadar does not guarantee to detect ghosts, nor does it imply that they exist. But it might, and they may. However, your interaction, emotional state, and belief system, may be important factors in how you interpret unusual events.

Yes, and those blinky lights in no particular arrangement are clearly going to give you quantifiable readouts on... or for... nope, I've got nothin'. The site is worth a look just to see the flowery buzz speak to make it all seem so damn important. But details on what exactly this thing is meant to be doing? Oh gee, we can't reveal it's SECRETS... OOOOOOOH!

So You've been warned. A nice EMF trinket (hell, probably not even that), but you've got buckley's of finding ghosts with it. Or do you? Who knows? -Seamus Byrne

Ghost Radar [Product site]

Nothing is worse than coming home after a night out reeking of cigarettes and alcohol. That's where Jun Kurihara's conceptual smart clothes hangar comes in.

It uses ion technology to remove foul stenches from your clothes without requiring a trip to the dry cleaner. I only smoke once in a blue moon, but I know tons of people who would love something like this (assuming it lives up to its claim). – Louis Ramirez

Ion Technology Clothes Hanger [Yanko Design]

Some tasty treats from what you may have missed overnight.

Philips displays get 5 o'clock shadow
Now this is what I call advanced hair! Yeah! Yeah!

Exoskeletons soon available for rent.
First the exoskeleton, next the Gundam... then geek shall inherit the earth.

Home theatre of dreams, Skywalker style.
Lucas may have destroyed our beloved Star Wars, but he knows how to build a home theatre, and this guy's mini-Stag is worth a few dreams of its own.

Samsung's flash drive hybrid laptop.
Tasty hybrid lappy... we'll try and get Samsung local to give us a hint on local launch.

Replace your MacBook Pro Hard Drive.
Self-servicing your lappy drive may void your warranty. Oh, it's up? Then do it!

If you didn't manage to grab a Wii at Best Buy this past weekend, here's some good news. Nintendo just announced that they're going to ramp up production of their consoles.

Despite rumors that they were holding back consoles either to increase demand or for the end of the fiscal year, we're still optimistic and think that Nintendo totally screwed the pooch and hasn't made enough consoles due to manufacturing problems. – Jason Chen

Nintendo Ramping Up Production of the Wii [Consumerist]

Image courtesy i4u

The already luxurious Boeing 787s—which have beds, couches, and are designed for the super rich who fly everywhere—may get an even fancier upgrade. Boeing made a call to BMW's DesignworksUSA group to model them up a fancy interior for an imaginary super-rich Russian client in his mid-30s. The result? An interior that's more upscale luxury condo than the prison cell seats we're all used to flying.

In it, you've got a bar, many couches, beds, meeting rooms, stairs, some more couches, and even a place to house your BMW for when you get off. This is the way Bond would fly. If he could blow $15 million of his government's money on a poker game, he can afford a fancy plane. – Jason Chen

BMW presents Bond-style 787 cabin concept for Russian tycoon [Flightglobal]

Because its official date is less than a week away, I've been thinking a lot about the Xbox 360 Elite. By and large, the gaming press doesn't really get it, but that's because its not for them. An alternative name for it could have been Xbox 360 Home Theater Nut Edition.

There's a lot of good to it. The HDMI cable allows for HD-DVD at 1080p over a single cable. Good because those of us with low-end TVs don't have to depend on the TV for deinterlacing. The HDD upgrade is welcome for storing more HD movies. But those are rentals that expire. And DIY hacks as well as an official upgrade for the regular 360 will be around, it's questionable how much value that drive has.
So it comes down to HDMI and black paint.

Still, as someone who's taken an intense liking to the Xbox video marketplace and the HD-DVD player, I still want one. (Pay for one is a different story.) But what I really dream about is a version that commits the console to the living room in a much greater way. Here's my wish list:

DVR Functions: Let's start out with a bang. I want to forget about the Vista box in the living room, and shove it in the office, the way it was intended to be (See: HP ditching Home Theater PCs). Right now, to have both gaming and a DVR in the living room, the Microsoft ecosytem stupidly requires you to have both a media center PC and Xbox side by side. That's pretty idiotic. Just give the Xbox an external, USB 2.0 Cablecard tuner and a firmware update with DVR functions inside. Done.

Then...

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Windows Mobile users who are already on the BlackBerry network thanks to the latter's BlackBerry Connect service will be happy to hear that RIM's bringing even more BB apps to your phone. Running only on Windows Mobile 6 devices, the app will add support for "email, phone, calendar, address book, tasks, memos, browser, instant messaging and other applications developed for the BlackBerry platform."

So essentially, now you can take part in all that BlackBerry workplace fun your company's IT department mandates, yet still be able to use all your favorite Windows Mobile apps.
– Jason Chen

Press Release [RIM]

We all hate those "under $1,000" price declarations, especially when, with shipping and sales tax, you're well over $1,000. But Yamaha's RX-V861 receiver, due in May, is brings long awaited good news for those who have multiple game consoles, an HD cable box and a legacy DVD/VHS combo, all hanging out in a spaghetti-fest of not-necessarily-Monster cables.

It comes down to this: I want to plug all of my stuff into one receiver, then connect that receiver to my TV with one cable. Who cares if my Wii is outputting at 480p through component cables, or that the VHS is going through S-Video? Whatever goes in, high-def or not, must come out the HDMI pipe. That's the key offering of the RX-V861, which was officially announced today, but got a little play early this month.

Follow the jump for more features.

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The Sinking Clock by master clockist Ross McBride depicts a certain fatalistic and pathetic mindset whose pessimism is not necessarily representative of your humble Gizmodo narrators, but appreciated by all nonetheless. It's as if the poor thing was flung down onto a desktop and permanently embedded therein. Alas, it's just a design concept. Somebody build one of these so we can revel in its existential nothingness.

Now a request for Ross: draft a concept just like this one, except instead of an LED alarm clock slammed into a tabletop, make it look just like a Motorola Q half-buried in a brick wall. Then in late June (or maybe later), we'll actually construct one for you in a jiffy, just in time for the iPhone. – Charlie White

Design Page [Normal Design, via Oh Gizmo]

So the story goes as follows: Nintendo releases DS. DS becomes instant bestseller. Touchy-screen dual number becomes next game fetish. NTT DoCoMo and Mitsubishi think it may be a good idea, announce DS-like phone. Big N releases Wii; becomes instant bestseller. Wiimote becomes next game fetish device. Same suspects release D904i, a phone that needs to be tilted, shaken, stirred and bashed against any object to play games. The rest of the world looks the other way and pretends nothing happened. The End.

I mean, beyond playing Marble Madness-type games, how in the name of all that is good, sacred or uses a Hylian Shield I am supposed to play a game "swinging the handset like a tennis racket or wield it like sword"? Did anyone think about how to follow the action on screen while shaking it? Unless they are really talking porn, we will probably never know. Or care. – Jesus Diaz

DoCoMo's new phones offer motion-sensing game play [Reuters]

Never underestimate the power of rich eccentrics who really want a flying vehicle. Take this Super Sky Cycle, for example, invented by Larry Neal. It makes perfect sense, he swears!

The problem with flying cars in the past was what to do with the wings once you were on the ground. With a 'fly-drive' gyroplane, just fold the rotor blades and drive on down the road.

See, and I thought the problem with flying cars was that putting flying vehicles into the hands of people who aren't adequately trained would turn the once-friendly skies into a bloody carnagescape, but I guess I'm not the inventor here. You can get a kit to build your own Super Sky Cycle for a mere $37,195, which is a price that ensures that only guys with the standard crazy-rich-guy uniform of glasses, white beards, and high socks that look ridiculous with awkwardly short shorts will be able to buy it. –Adam Frucci

Product Page [via Boing Boing]

You may not have thought of this, but Philips has: furry displays, or TVs made of little hairs. Really? Yep, Philips has figured out a way to create a display that consists of a grid of short, fine hairs. When a charge is applied to a hair, it stands up straight, revealing the color of the fabric below. Without a charge, the hair lies flat, showing its color. Combinations of these two states result in the ability to treat each differently colored hair as a pixel, giving you the hairy equivalent of a video display.

Imagine a T-shirt, a coat or a curtain made of these little electronically controlled bristles. Hey, this could lead to toupees on which advertising space could be sold. Sounds like the ideal second income for those of us who are follicularly challenged. – Charlie White

Furry-vision [NewScientist]

When we hear about these light-speed texting champions, our jaws drop. This year's prize winner for the LG National Texting Championship is 13-year-old Morgan Pozgar, who managed to bang out the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in 15 seconds without one single spelling error. Damn!

For her next trick, her parents are making her bang out the following sentence, 20,000 times: "I will not run up a $10,000 phone bill ever again." That should keep her busy for a couple of hours. Two words to her parents: unlimited plan. – Charlie White

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! [Shiny Shiny]

Beware the treachery of images, because things aren't always as they appear to be. That's certainly the case with this fire extinguisher, whose purpose is to accomplish just the opposite. Push down on its little lever, and it'll fire up that stogie, pipe, cig or blunt. The hose part actually has a little LED inside to light your path or check your companion for redeye.

Add that to the pantheon of oxymorons, including jumbo shrimp, military intelligence, criminal law, the Mini Cooper XXL and now a fire extinguisher lighter, which is available now in Japan for 580 yen ($4.88). – Charlie White

Lighter Looks Like A Fire Extinguisher [Tokyomango]

Everybody knows that the Xbox 360 120GB HDD add-on is a total rip-off. I mean, come on Microsoft, who are you trying to fool here? $180 for a 120GB drive? What is this, 2002? Give me a break.

Well, you don't need to bend over and let Microsoft have its way with you if you don't mind spending a little time doing it yourself. A resourceful modder who goes by "TheSpecialist" has come up with a way to get a specific model of Western Digital 120GB SATA HDD (which you can pick up for $80) playing nice with your Xbox 360. Sure, it won't click nicely in place on top of your Xbox, and you can't transfer your old saves over, but you'll get the satisfaction of knowing that you didn't confirm Microsoft's assumption that they can charge whatever they damn well please and people will pay for it. –Adam Frucci

TheSpecialist's HDDHackr v0.90 - Adds Support for 120GB Drives! [Xbox Scene]

You stand in a bathtub when you shower? What a plebe. Me? Oh, I only bathe in the finest of showers, such as this Teuco Evolution E2. It features such amenities as a steam inlet and aromatic herbs dispenser, cromoexperience lamps, and surround sound. Do I know what a cromoexperience lamp is? No, not really. Do I know that it makes me feel better than people who can't afford to try to figure it out firsthand? Yes, yes it does.

Hit the jump for another couple shots of my, let's face it, completely ludicrous shower.

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The idea of wearing a surgical mask to keep your disease out of others' bodies hasn't quite caught on in the US yet, but the Japanese have taken that custom one step further with this $21 USB Health Mask. Plug it into any USB port, (there is also a $10 AC-powered version) and a fan on each side will keep that face comfy-cool while keeping those deadly germs and pesky pollen at bay.

Sure, this has got to offer better ventilation than one of those suffocating surgical masks you see Japanese people wearing in public, but imagine living with the noise and the vibration of these two cooling fans strapped to your head all day long. And that's not even mentioning that you're going to be tethered to your desk with a USB cable attached to your head like a leash. It seems hardly worth it. – Charlie White

USB-Cooled Face Mask. 'Nuff Said. [Coolest Gadgets]

Take a Mini Cooper and stretch it out to about double its size, put a hot tub in the back and you have yourself the Mini XXL, a six-wheel, four-door six-seat stretch limousine with all the benefits of a regular stretch limousine but with that superior fuel economy and handling that's so in demand with the limo-riding public.

Now touring Europe, it was built by a custom coach builder in Los Angeles. Expect this extra large/small lap of luxury to find its way to the streets of Las Vegas someday soon, perhaps replacing those shameful, gas guzzling Hummer limousines.

But wait! There's a mini, mini, home version:

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Do you have a refrigerator you need to move? An uncooperative roommate who won't get off the couch and get a job? A need to impress the guys down at the gym with your amazing lifting skills, no matter what? Well, good news, wussbag.

Starting next year in Japan, you'll be able to lease an exoskeleton (the HAL-5, to be precise) for about $590 a month. Originally designed to help the elderly and infirm walk around when they're too weak to do so themselves, it also works great for getting respect when formerly you got none, and, I assume, doing a totally badass version of the robot on the dance floor. –Adam Frucci

Japan Times [via Medgadget]

The argument continues to rage, with no end in sight. HD DVD was winning last week, with rumors of cheap HD DVD players flooding the market via Wal-Mart (who else?). Augmenting that was a sales spike in HD DVD discs, though one that was